Healing Stones

thanks google for image :o)

What do you think when you hear healing stones??

Until recently I would think about hot stone massages.  If you have never had one, I strongly encourage you to ... oh the pure bliss.  anyways, before I get sidetracked any more let me move on.

I was browsing Paperback Swap last weekend when I stumbled upon a book.  It peaked my interested for several reason & quickly used up one of my credits requesting it.  It arrived in my mailbox Thursday or Friday night & once I started reading it I couldn't put it down.  The deepth of this book just BLEW me away.

HEALING STONES

A SULLIVAN CRISP NOVEL

In my opinion, this is one of the best Christian fiction books I have read - heck I would said it is in the top 10 books EVER & I have read a lot in my 32 years.

Amazon's blurb ...

With one flash of a camera, Demi's private life becomes public news. She doesn't know it yet, but her healing has just begun.

Christian college professor Demitria Costanas had vowed to end her affair with a colleague. But she gives into temptation one last time...and a lurking photographer captures her weakness for all to see. Quite literally, she's the woman caught in adultery. And almost everyone--herself included--has a stone to throw.

Enter Sullivan Crisp, a decidedly unorthodox psychologist with his own baggage. He's well-known for his quirky sense of humor and incorporation of "game show" theology into his counseling sessions. And yet there's something more he offers...hope for a fresh start.

Reluctantly the two of them begin an uplifting, uneven journey filled with healing and grace. By turns funny and touching, this story explores the ways humans hurt each other and deceive themselves. And it shows the endlessly creative means God uses to turn stones of accusation and shame into works of beauty that lead us onto the path of healing.

An auspicious debut for a candid yet tender series about pain, healing, and God's invitation for second chances.

This blurb does not do this book justice & neither do I.  Let me just say this: I learned so much in the last two days, that my last year and half makes more sense to me than it ever has.

rambles

Some of you may be wondering why I have had such a shift in thoughts & lack of posts.

Simply put, I am enjoying life to it's fullest & if I have time to blog I do, if I don't well it's the least of my worries.

It was a year ago that I fell into a major depression. It was a first for me, not the depression part, I have been battling that for YEARS.  I know that I will always take a pill to help regulate my brian's chemical balance.  I am okay with that.  BUT this major depression thing threw me for a loop.  I lost 20+ pounds in 2 weeks because nothing tasted good & what I did force myself to eat didn't stay in my system for long.  I would want to sleep all day & then at night I couldn't sleep a lick.  It was HORRIBLE.

People were looking at me like I had grown a second head & avoiding me because they didn't know how to handle what was going on.  It was one of the loneliest times of my life - I know now that I wasn't completely alone even tho it felt like it.  God was always there - I just lost that connection, but you know what is wonderful - He never left me.  He stood by me & made sure I made it through this trial - I may of been a little rough around the edges, but I made it.

In the next month or so, as I have time, I probably will be posting a little more about depression & medicine & why education is sooo very imortant for everyone that is involved in the person's life.

Do you wonder why you have to,

feel the things that hurt you,

if there's a God who loves you,

where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see

and all those things are happening

to bring a better ending

some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends

and you know where you're going,

you just don't know how you get there

so just say a prayer.

and hold on, cause there's good who love God,

life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,

but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the dark before the morning

yeah, yeah,

before the morning,

yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,

all your pain will fade to memory

once you feel the way of glory,

all your pain will fade to memory

memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the hurt before the healing

the pain you've been feeling,

just the dark before the morning

before the morning, yeah, yeah

before the morning

a flea

I have an attention span of a flea.

I pick up hobbies/ideas then discard them quicker than one can say or spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Scrapbooking - my MIL & co-workers introduced me to it when I was pregnant with Goose 7 yrs ago.  I purchased the basics from Creative Memories & a whole lot of paper & stickers from here and there.  Know how many books I've completed - ZERO

Exercise - hahahaha I could run a gym with all the videos & equipment I have purchased over the years.  I joined a couple different places (I really did *heart* Curves when I was a member & should have gotten back into it after having Goose) but have failed to follow thru with said memberships

Yeah that is just two examples, but I think you get the point.

at this point in my life it feels as tho blogging is joining the ranks ...
I have things I think would make interesting, thought provoking posts, but I can't get them from my brain to the screen.

Life is also taking over - work x3 jobs, the girls, the dog . . .

I don't think I am going to shut this place down, because there are alot of memories & parts of my soul here.  I think I'm going to go back to my original reason for blogging - updating friends & family of our going ons and sharing my occasional struggles.  Posts will be sporadic for sure & don't think if you unfollow me I will be hurt.

xo MJ

Two is a Magical Number

yeah, yeah Schoolhouse Rock has us all fooled ... the number three isn't all that magical in my eyes & here is why . . . . .

TWO years ago today I started the day out like this:

and ended it like this:

TWO years ago today I learned how a mother's love could grow

to include TWO beautiful daughters.

this was actually the next day, I had a spinal headache & it was difficult to sit up

TWO YEARS LATER

and my heart still swells at the blessings I have been granted.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUCKY!

momma loves you very much

Plan B

When I opened my email this morning, one of my daily reads was waiting for me.  Lindsey of I'm Just Saying, posted about her pastor and author Pete Wilson’s debut book Plan B.  It intrigued me so I went to Amazon to check it out a little more and found this excerpt:

"We spend a lot of time worried about what is happening to us. We focus a lot of attention on when things might happen. We ask a lot of questions about where we will end up. Often in life, the what, when and where are not going to turn out the way you want them to turn out. You don't always get to choose those things, but you do get to choose the why. You may not get to choose what your future is going to be, but at any given time you do get to choose why you're living the way you do."

This sounded like something that I could really relate to - even though I have done SOOO much better at just going with the flow, I have been known to be very HURT when things do not go the way I think they should.  I promptly purchased a copy & can not wait for it to show up in my mailbox.  Then I thought, "Hey MJ maybe someone else could benefit from this also, so why not make a post about it" and here we are!

I hope you all have a terrific Tuesday.

PS Tina - I would love to respond to your comments thru email, but when I hit reply it goes to noreply@blogger.  Go to your Dashboard on Blogger.com. Hit your edit profile, right next to your picture, avatar or whatever else you have showing. Scroll down to the line that says : Show my email address and CHECK THE BOX. Hit save. Thanks :o)

Weekly Wisdom

This is from an email I received this morning.  I felt it was worthy of a weekly wisdom post . . .

“That is why I am suffering as I am, yet I am not ashamed because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day” (2 Timothy 1:12, NIV).

Paul was imprisoned in Rome when he wrote these words to Timothy. Paul speaks with clarity and conviction, knowing that God will look after those things that are of most importance to him, even as he writes alone in his cell.

I wonder what was important to Paul? For sure he valued the gospel message that Paul had been so faithful in sharing. But I believe that people were his biggest investment—loved ones like Timothy that were now beyond his reach.

I have a book mark in my Bible –a picture of a little girl. Written on the back are the precious names and dates when I entrusted my three daughters to His care. That was many years ago when they were close beside me each day. Now they are scattered far and wide.

Have you entrusted a loved one to His care? Sometimes it’s hard to let go without giving way to fears that arise, especially when we see them making poor choices. Maybe it’s the mothering instinct that we have but many of us long to “fix” our children, our family, and those we love so deeply. I once heard a mother asked which of her children she loved the most. Her response was, the child that hurts the deepest.

Jesus prayed for his disciples as he was preparing to leave them. (John 17:11-15) He asked the father to protect them. While he was with them, He protected them, but now the time had come to send them out into the word. In verse 15 he asks the father not to take them from the world, but to protect them from the evil one.

This is my prayer for my daughters. I can’t shelter them from the evil in this world, but there is one who can. If ever I am tempted to worry about them, I look at my bookmark, and I’m reminded that I have entrusted them to His care. My heavenly Father is a faithful God who has proved himself many times. He is able to keep that which I’ve committed to him. As much as I love them, He loves them more.

Who do you need to let go of today, end entrust to His care?

Thank you Father that you watch over those that we love and that as we pray for them, you will continue to work in their lives through the power of your Holy Spirit. Help us Lord, to not be tempted to worry over them, but entrust them to your care. Amen

Questions: Do you need to let go of something and give to God?

author Beverley Rayner

Thoughts & Prayers

are going out to all Tennessean's right now. 

They are under a "National Emergency" due to flooding.   CNN coverage


One of my friends was on her way home from work & is now stranded along side the highway.  She's been sitting there for over 6 hours!

The Plague

It seems as though we have been stricken with a plague of sorts.  Well not really, but every one looks at you like you do when you say MRSA (MerSA).

On Tuesday I had to take Ducky to ambulatory care because of the pimple-like abscess on her right thigh/buttock crease.  In a matter of 9 hours it grew 3x larger & was red, hot & tight - the poor girl could barely hobble & it hurt her to sit.  It had to be lanced in order to relieve that pressure & altho it hurt, she was sooo much happier when it was all said and done.  BUT here is the part that gets me, upon first look at the abscess the staff sort of looked at us like "OMG it's MRSA & how in the heck did the baby get it" 

Well what they don't realize is that by now I am a pro at dealing with this crap & that it's not because we are dirty or I don't care that she got this.  Almost 4 years ago is when, as a family, we began to deal with this.  B had an abscess on his leg that he tried to self treat, and ended up in the hospital for a week and a gapping hole from where they had to cut it out.  Since then, he as had several other, smaller, abscesses and I have had two.  I know that I am a colonized with MRSA and wouldn't be surprised if I am a carrier - and I'm pretty sure B is also.

Then to top it off, much of the public is very under educated about what MRSA is.  Their knowledge is limited to the outbreak scares, word of mouth, & internet searches.  People, we all have staph that grows on our skin & unfortunately thru antibiotic abuse (over use, not taking as directed) there are now strains that are very resistent to some types of antibiotics - that is MRSA.

So in effort I am sharing some facts about MRSA.  I am trying to locate the one site that we use at work that has a WONDERFUL booklet about living with MRSA and other fact sheets.  But for now here is this:

MRSA is caused by a strain of Staphylococcus aureus (S. aureus) bacteria or usually called “staph“. S. aureus is a common type of bacteria that normally lives on the skin and sometimes in the nose. MRSA is difficult to treat than most staph Because it’s resistant to some commonly used and powerful antibiotics such as penicillin (Bacteria may develop resistance to antibiotics when they are used but are not needed or not taken as directed.) Staph aureus is common and generally about 30 percent of all people are colonized with staph at any given time.
 
Many ordinary people already have MRSA bacteria living on their skin or in their noses. These people are known as carriers, they do not showed any symptoms, but they do carry the disease to other people ( non-carriers ). While 25 percent to 30 percent of the population carries staph, it is estimated that 1 percent carries MRSA, according to CDC.


Normally the bacteria they carry do not cause major health problems unless the bacteria manage to enter the body through wounds or open skin. Even then, it usually only result in minor skin conditions, such as acne pimples. However, when the susceptible populations identified above come into direct contact with carriers, there is a large potential for them to develop severe staph infections and serious disease.

jaloijgoiajmnogvaoiuhgtoahogthjognbjnaoigtj

yea that sums up what is going thru my head right now

What I'm Missing

I miss having the perfect spot to reflect.

There is something about being able to sit in a swing and just think.  It's almost like the motion helps clarify what is running through my brain at 200 MPH.  I don't think I could do rocket science, but I could help create world peace ;o)

The other day as I was sitting on a friend's front porch the longing for a swing came back.  I need to find a freestanding one since I don't even have a front porch :o(   Maybe it will help create a calm in my life that is desperately needed.  I can see it now, sitting out front watching the world go by & enjoying a book while the girls are out back playing on the swingset or romping in the grass with Jedi.  Yes, a swing is a must have!

Where is your place of sernity?

Betty Crocker Moment

thanks Google for the image

The other night I don't know what came over me, but I had an intense desire to bake.  I didn't want anything sweet - I was craving a comfort food (in my case it always involves carbs!).  I spied 4 ripe banana's on the counter & knew just what I was going to make.  Yup, Banana Nut Bread - sans nuts since I have 3 very picky eaters.

Here is the recipe that I enjoy:

8 Tbsp (1 stick) Butter at room temp (I used real, salted butter)

3/4 cup Sugar

2 Eggs

1 cup All Purpose Flour (I used 3/4 cup)

1 tsp Baking Soda

1/2 tsp Salt

1 cup Whole Wheat Flour (I used 1 1/4 cups)

3 large ripe bananas, mashed

1 tsp Vanilla

1/2 cup shelled Walnuts, coarsely chopped

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees & grease a 9x5x3 bread pan.

2.  Cream butter & sugar until light & fluffy.  Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.

3.  Sift all purpose flour, baking soda & salt together.  Stir in whole wheat flour & add to creamed mixture, mixing well. (I also add in a few spices at this point)

4.  Fold in bananas, vanilla, & walnuts.

5.  Pour mixture into pan.  Bake 50 to 60 minutes or cake tester comes out clean.  Cool in pan for 10 minutes.

Makes ONE loaf. 

There is nothing like the smell of homemade anything baking.  It also makes me feel like I am providing for my family in one of the most simple ways - through love & their stomaches :o)

What is one of your comfort foods??

Why Can't I?

The other day as I was sitting on a friend's front porch I realized something.  My issue is not that I don't have people who want to be friends/friendly, it's that I don't know how to carry on a normal conversation.  They start talking and I give one word answers & don't expand on the topic.

Point in case, we had just finished having the pink redone on my Celtic Motherhood Knot, when a friend of the friend stopped by.  He asked "Oh, what did you have done??"  Instead of going into details of what it is & what it means to me - I showed him the tat & then proceeded to turn around sit down and smile like a dumbass.

thanks to google for the image

What is wrong with me??  Why can't I take a normal conversation starter & go with it??

Oh, and don't think that this is an isolated incident.  It happens ALL.THE.TIME.

What can I do to overcome this??  Have any of you had problems with this?

Weekly Wisdom - Life is too short

Life is too short to spend it hating.

In Leviticus 19:17, God warns us against hating others: "Do not hate your brother in your heart." Interestingly, that verse shows us that hate isn't just an action; it is also an attitude of the heart. Many times we hate someone in our heart, yet pretend to like them. However, hating someone in your heart is nonetheless hate -- and thus despised by God.



Although it sounds harsh, 1 John 3:15 says that anyone who hates his brother is a murderer. Indeed, as far as your heart is concerned, to hate is to murder. In other words, hating someone is no different than murdering them in your hearts.



If you hate someone, you'll be thinking negatively about them, slandering them (if not verbally, at least in your heart), and cutting them down with your thoughts and words. Thus, it is no surprise that God sternly warns us not to hate others, because life is too short to spend it hating.

It's Amazing

what a special delivery can do to brighten your day.  Especially when it was a really long & busy one.

About 330 I received a call from one of the registration girls asking me if I wanted to come visit her real quick.  I was like, ummm why??  Someone is here with a delivery for you, do you want her to leave it or for me to direct her to you.  I told her to just have it left there & that I would be right over.

What did I find??

with a card that said:

Beautiful flowers for a

beautiful lady

of course it was unsigned, but I knew instantly who sent them.

There is only a very select few that knows I *heart* daisies, and only one who made the mistake of sending me roses once.  B is trying to re-woo me I do believe.

It defintely brought a smile to my face today :o)

Should I Be . . .

hurt? glad? relieved?

Monday marked my first full day in my new closet, err office I mean.  I have been more productive these last 3 days than I have in months.  Altho my office is in need of some MJ touches because it is full of electrical gadgets & my desk.

see & you all thought I was kidding!!!!

The issue is that I don't know how to feel about the "area" I moved from.  I wanted out because I couldn't stand all the negativity the girls have about our place of employment.  I am thankful to have a job & any of the extras are just that extras, I don't expect more.  I respect my superiors because last I knew that is what you are suppose to do.  I may not agree 100% with things, and I let it be known, but I don't bad mouth them for it. 

Since I have moved, due to addition of more nurses, I have noticed that they are spending alot more time together as a group.  We NEVER use to go to lunch together, and now they are.  They NEVER use to take breaks together, now they are.  You see a trend??  Are they celebrating me moving out of the area???  Do they just have some extra time that allows them to do this? 

Honestly, I don't mind because I am LOVING the peace and quiet my office brings - but I couldn't help the thoughts that ran through my head when I noticed this.

Peace & Pandora
MJ

Dog Days

We have been tossing around about getting another dog.  I *heart* boxers and would love to have another one but I also want to "rescue" or take in one that needs a new home.  We have been watching Craigslist & Angels for Animals to see if we could find a pooch we all could love.  I thought we had found a BEAUTIFUL boxer thru Angels,   but she went to a wonderful home in Indiana.

Saturday I thought what the hey lets look one more time at Craigslist

This was posted just minutes prior to my arrival:

Boston Bulldog

6 mo male

loves kids

crate trained

on his way to being housebroken

and then this picture:

How could you NOT fall in love with that face!!!

I tried calling B, but no answer.  I hmm'd haw'd around for 5 minutes and then decided I didn't care what he thought, if we were to get this dog I need to call NOW.  RING * RING * RING * RING CRAP he's already received a call on him, but me being hopeful left a message.

10 minutes later the guy calls me saying that yeah he was talking with a girl from Findlay and that she wasn't sure & wanted more pictures.  He went ahead and answered my questions (#1 WHY are you rehoming him? because he was their SEVENTH dog!!!!) and we talked for 20 minutes about him & dogs in general.  He offered me their little chihuahua Libby if we really were interested in a dog because he could tell I was a good person & knew I would give her a good home.  I told him I would talk it over with B during supper with my parents.  Well on the way to Ottawa I got the best news EVER.  The girl from Findlay called and said that she was too busy to come and that if he was still available when she could come down she would take him.  The guy decided that she really didn't want the cutie and wanted to offer him to me!!

This is were I admit I was crazy, but I took lessons from HL ;o)   I went by myself, 40 min south, to a stranger's house to meet this lil guy. And it was love at first site (of coures I loved all of the dogs they had .... a cancer ridden pit bull *ssooo sweet*, 2 English Bulldogs, 2 Boston Terriers, the chihuahua, & of course the Boston Bulldog)

An hour after arriving at their home I decided it was time to go

and of course he came with me!!!

Introducing the newest member of the family

Jedi :o)

Over

I am able to say that it's over - and I couldn't be more at peace right now with the situation from a year ago than I am right now.   The person I thought was a wonderful friend wasn't meant to be mine, and you know what I'm okay with that.  I have enough crap to deal with & don't need hers.

Now to face everything else going on in my life!

I don't want to do grown up stuff

so instead I'm doing the Sunday Stealing: The Me Me Meme

1. Never in my life have I been:  to California

2. The one person who can drive me nuts is: myself

3. High school was: torture, but I would go back

4. When I’m nervous I:  rock, talk fast, & stutter

5. The last song I listened to was:  I Heart ? - Taylor Swift ... oh wait Theory of a Deadman "Not Meant to Be" just came on - I **HEART** this song

6. If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: Renee

7. My hair is:  growing on me

8. When I was 5:  my brother fed me some "special" chocolate covered raisins - that weren't really raisins

9. Last Christmas:  was enjoyable thanks to the girls!

10. I should be..: cleaning, balancing the checkbook . . .

11. When I look down I see:  the new puppy & our wonderful, original hardwood floors

12. The happiest recent event was: every day is a happy event :o)

13. If I were a character on 'Friend' I would be: Pheobe

14. By this time next year:  I still won't have decided what I want to go back to school for

15. My current gripe is:  that there is a double standard

16. I have a hard time understanding: why some don't have common sense

17. There’s this girl I know that: is really confused as to what she wants out of life

18. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be:  Renee

19. Take my advice: your happiness is only up to you

20. The thing I want to buy: a new fridge

21. If you visited the place I was born: you would see corn fields

22. I plan to visit: I don't really plan to visit anywhere BIG right now, but going to KY in July with the girls & going to do a day trip to Nashville while down there

23. If you spent the night at my house: you would see just how crazy my life is & I would prob wait on you hand and foot

24. I’d stop my wedding if: someone was sick

25. The world could do without: judgement

26. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:  uummm I wouldnt

27. Most recent thing I’ve bought myself:  capris

28. Most recent thing someone else bought me: supper

29. My favorite blonde is: Renee ;o)

30. My favorite brunette is:  a warm amber one (LOL yes I know that they were looking for names of famous)

31. My favorite red head is:  HeatherLynn of course

32. My middle name is:  Jane

33. In the morning I:  run around like a chicken with it's head cut off

34. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are:  uumm none - and there are no "tripping" experiences to say something crazy like Elephants

35. Once, at a bar: in Canada I passed out sitting on the toliet

36. Last night I was:  at some stranger's house for an hour and lived to tell about it

37. There’s this guy I know who:  is worse than me with the innuedos

38. If I was an animal I’d be:  a tiger

39. A better name for me would be: a pain in the ass

40. Tomorrow I am: going to enjoy having a closet, err office, all to myself

41. Tonight I am:  going to have family game night

42. My birthday is:  just another day

i don't know what to title this

first off - welcome to the new followers!! I am soo sorry I haven't responded to your comments yet.  It has been a crazy week in my household - I hope you enjoy your visits & that you stick around.

crazy week is an understatement.  Work is busy for this time of the year - not that I am complaining.  The other day though I had one of the anesthesia docs call me & use his "stearn" voice with me.  I supposedly didn't do my job, well I did but he was uber cranky as was the surgeon.  An older, sick, guy was having some hardware removed from his mouth & when I talked with the surgeon's staff I told her I had labs & ekg from X date and that I would need new history & physical and orders.  Well they also ran new labs (which I didn't know) & the surgeon was PO'd that they weren't on the chart.  He got in the anes doc's face, which is why he called me.  Of couse I got mouthy with the anes doc because I did all I could do - I asked him where I was suppose to pull this crap out of & if he wanted to get me a crystal ball!?

Then my "free" time this week was spent on the phone making sure that everything was lined up for the office move.  This morning I arrived at work 15 min early to find my desk in pieces out side of my new closet office & my computer and phone were disconnected & thrown to the side in the old "office"  I hooked up the phone so I could at least answer incoming calls - good thing too since there were a few more than usual this morning.  We had a company come in & make sure that my existing desk would fit in the closet, along with a 3 drawer file cabinet.  When the guys were setting up the desk I get a "Mary come here & look at this". Yeah everything fit, but there was no way I could open the drawers.  ugh  So back to the drawing board I went - trying to figure out how I was going to get my phone, computer, printer, & 2 faxes in this place without things to set them on.  In the end it all worked out & thanks to a wonderful biomed I was up and fully functional by 1pm!

(my highlight of Wednesday - my new chair, sooo comfy)

Today was an awesome day for compliments.  I did Friday casual since I knew I was moving - really nice pair of jeans & a sweater with my boots.  I think I received more compliments on this outfit than I received my whole life.  Then they were also saying how the loved the hair - which is disaster since last weekend I went for a "trim" and ended up with it all cut off but the front pieces.  I came home & promptly cut 2 inches off the front because it just looked stupid.  Oh and one of the people saying they liked my sweater was another anesthesia doc that is normally not so nice (we have a major love HATE relationship, heavy on the hate)

Then to top off the night, I get a text from someone that I haven't talked to in months. 

"did you need something this morning?"  uummm what are talking about

"you called at 601"  crap. B was going thru my phone while I was in the shower & hit send on a msg I had saved when a whole shitload of crap was going on. 

I called him on it & now I am in the wrong for being upset. UGH