Saturday, May 22, 2010

rambles

Some of you may be wondering why I have had such a shift in thoughts & lack of posts.

Simply put, I am enjoying life to it's fullest & if I have time to blog I do, if I don't well it's the least of my worries.

It was a year ago that I fell into a major depression. It was a first for me, not the depression part, I have been battling that for YEARS.  I know that I will always take a pill to help regulate my brian's chemical balance.  I am okay with that.  BUT this major depression thing threw me for a loop.  I lost 20+ pounds in 2 weeks because nothing tasted good & what I did force myself to eat didn't stay in my system for long.  I would want to sleep all day & then at night I couldn't sleep a lick.  It was HORRIBLE.

People were looking at me like I had grown a second head & avoiding me because they didn't know how to handle what was going on.  It was one of the loneliest times of my life - I know now that I wasn't completely alone even tho it felt like it.  God was always there - I just lost that connection, but you know what is wonderful - He never left me.  He stood by me & made sure I made it through this trial - I may of been a little rough around the edges, but I made it.

In the next month or so, as I have time, I probably will be posting a little more about depression & medicine & why education is sooo very imortant for everyone that is involved in the person's life.

2 comments:

Tina said...

It sounds horrible. I, too, struggle with depression, I think mostly triggered by the excruciating pain I'm in. (I shattered my wrist in 2000, when I had a 6 month old baby. Had 6 surgeries over the next 6 years, the last to remove the fusion hardware.) I have complex regional pain syndrome. which is sorta like the phantom pain amputees feel. I too have to take a pill each day to regulate my brain chemistry. What's sad to me is that so many Christians don't "believe" in depression. They sneer at those of us who are dependent on medication. "If you just had enough faith you wouldn't be depressed. How can you be so sad when you have Jesus?" I have Jesus and I have pain. My trial has been going on for a long time and I'm still looking for the "why". Meanwhile, I'm doing my best. I'm so glad you'll be writing about this when you have a chance because I think everyone needs to recognize it as a disease, not a choice to NOT look on the bright side. I wonder if those Christians would look at a diabetic and take away their medication because they didn't have the faith. It's the same to me, just a different disease. God can certainly heal if He chooses. He hasn't chosen to heal me. Sorry this got so long, I just feel so strongly. Bloggie style hugs to you, my friend. {{{hugs}}}

Erin said...

Looking forward to what you'll write about it, MJ. As you know, I've been struggling, too. I'm on Cymbalta right now, but I don't love it. I don't know. My doc has been switching me a lot to try and find the right medication. Beginning to think we won't....