Friday, December 31, 2010

hmmm

Wow, it has been a really long time since I felt the need to come here.  And yet here I am, on New Year's Eve of all times.

A lot has happened, but even more is to come.

Goose does really well if we can keep the fish oil in her.  There are days that I look at her and I wonder where the child is.  I worry that she has grown up way too quick, that she is another old soul.

Ducky is on her way to being potty trained.  She was doing GREAT, then I decided that we should go to Disney World right after Thanksgiving.  This decision was made the first week of November (!!) so I really didn't think I could get her COMPLETELY trained before we left so we packed plenty of pull-ups - and SO glad we did.

Disney - WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME!!!!   My focus was on what the girls wanted to do and it was just a blessing to be able to take them.

My grandma fell in December.  Due to her co-morbidities (conditions) the local hospital flew her to Toledo to a larger & more experience team.  When she fell, she split open her nose, which required surgery.  Then she ended up being hospitalized for 3 days - BUT we were blessed and she was able to come home for Christmas.  It was a mixed emotion day for me.  I was estatic that she was there, then at the same time I was battling with the fear that this is her last Christmas with us.  Also, seeing her so fragile really rocked my emotions.  This is the lady that had her hair set every Saturday & then went shopping right after (I LOVED my Saturdays with grandma!)  She was the epitimey of class.  This is the woman who once was the mayor of my home town & helped developed our current park.

And on to this week.  This week is yet another bitter sweet one.  Our family is about to lose a man that was sooo full of life to leukemia.  He has put up a battle, for sure!!  Yesterday we went to the University of Michigan Hospital for what will be our last time with him.  It also was the day that all of his family flew in to say their goodbyes.  This is going to be hard for my father-in-law and unfortunately, the stubborness that my husband shows runs in the family,  I am afraid that he will hold in all of his emotions, and that there will be an explosions.  So I ask for peace.  Peace for the wonderful man we are losing AND for my father-in-law.

Tonight I am ringing in the New Year alone, well sorta.  As I type this I can hear the dog's and my husband's snores & the girls are tucked tight in their beds.  I was hoping to bring in the New Year with the hubs, but he was just too tired.  Sign of age I guess. So I will take this night of quiet to reflect on the experiences of the last year and how I have grown from them.  Then as the ball drops at Midnight, I will open the next chapter in my life.

xo

Monday, September 27, 2010

No words

Today, as I was walking into one of the departments I work with, I caught a glimpse of a male in our signature blue-green scrubs.  I paused, backed pedal just a couple steps & stared.  It was like that moment when you come to an unknown intersection and you need to make a quick decision.  What do I say?  What do I do? 

For you see, it WAS the male co-worker who unexpectedly lost his wife  3(+/-) weeks ago.  This is his second week back to work & my first time seeing him since the day the accident happened.  I can still hear him saying "wassup" in his fun, laid back manner merely hours before his life changed.  Yet the man I saw today wasn't him.  There was no smile, there was no "wassup."  You could literally see that he lost his soulmate and no words could provide the comfort needed today.  No words could let him know how much I wish it wasn't him having to go thru this.  No words were spoken but a quick "oh hunny" to let him know I recongnized him and then let a hug do all the talking for us.



The feelings that transpired in that one hug, that only lasted a mintue but seemed like 10, can not easily be put into words. 
It felt like I was holding onto a young boy who lost his one and only true love.  Which is exactly what happened, for this couple WERE that high school couple who married after school AND stayed together.  You could feel the love, you could SEE the love between them. 
But most importantly,  I felt like I left a little bit of my hope and strength with him (& I wish I could have left more)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

realization

thanks google for the image
Ok, being bluntly honest here, but I could absolutely see how someone could become an alcoholic.


 Drink One = Relaxed
Drink Two = Numb

Then you wake up to reality and just want to do it all over again.  Over time I'm sure it would take more than the two drinks to hit numb and so the cycle begins. 

Friday, September 10, 2010

Loss for Words

yep, you read the title right.  I am at a total loss for words.

I have NEVER had someone that payed enough attention to the words spoken, and unspoken, to know what I am truly feeling.  Wait that is a false statement.  I never HAD someone do that until recently.

There is a wonderful couple that I have found to be like family to me.  Seriously, the wife and I are like long, lost soul sisters and her husband (HH) is just one big ol' teddy bear.  For being of the male species, I am surprised at how well he listens and gives advice - if I didn't know betterI would think that he was .... gay. 

Anyways ....

A couple weeks ago I recieved a message from HH saying that he was writing a song, for me!?!  ME!???  Ok, sure if you say so. 

Overnight he titled it "Waiting for my Rainbow"  and just last night I received a preview of what to expect.  TEARS were flowing.  HOW did he do it?? How did he capture my thoughts and put them in a song, then SING it so that I feel the emotion? 

I am the luckiest girl around right now, that's for sure

Monday, September 6, 2010

THANK YOU

I wanted to say THANK YOU to all that have continued to read what I have to say even though I disappeared for awhile.  I also owe a HUGE thank you to Tina & blueviolet  these wonderful girls keep coming back and commenting even though I have been a HORRIBLE blogger and not returned the favor or even responded to their comments.

I have to admit that I wasn't sure if I wanted to get back into blogging.  I feel as though what I have to say isn't the most interesting stuff in the world.  Also, the drama that my site created when I started blogging was enough to deter me from even wanting this outlet.  Then there is my attention span - I mean come on, I didn't even finish the 30 day challenge!!   PLUS I must admit a dirty little secret, I "love" facebook because it allows me to post my random thoughts right then and there AND I don't even have to give a prelude as to where the thought comes from!

THEN I stop and think about all the good that has came from this site.  I met a wonderful woman from right here in my town - someone that had it not been for blogger I would prob never met  (yes you HeatherLynn).  Then there is Holly ... dear sweet Holly of 504 Main This woman absolutely rocks as does her IRL friend Jenn of . THANK YOU GIRLS!

Oh and Polly dear, I miss our chats and exchanges - I still read, but because of my teetering on the fence of what to do here I stopped commenting. 

I have to admit, I am afraid of putting myself out there again. I'm not sure if I can do it, but for those of you who continue to read and support me

Sunday, August 29, 2010

2 Week Update

I must say that things continue to look positive on the fish oil front.  Who knew!?!?!

As much as I LOVE Goose, there were many times I couldn't stand to be around her because it was CONSTANT crying, screaming, throwing or hitting.  Talking calmly, screaming, time outs, spankings, soap, NOTHING seemed to faze this child when she was in "that" mood.

We still have emotional outbursts, but not nearly as intense as before & she seems able to defuse herself much quicker.   I am not on edge wondering when the next MAJOR melt down will occur.  This in turn has allowed me to be more at ease and really enjoy my time with Goose.  Just this weekend we made Zucchini bread and it was FUN!!!!

Also, she seems to be able to concentrate better.  One would have thought she was an ultimate blonde (sorry to all my blonde readers)  before.  I had to give her one instruction at a time (have you ever tried to get ready in the morning with a child like that.  Goose, please put your shirt on.  Goose put your pants on. Goose, Goose, Goose ....)  Now I can just do the general instruction of Goose, please get dressed and know that it will get done.

Before I get flamed for my honesty, I DON'T expect my child to be perfect & I know that she will get side tracked some.  If you have ever lived with a child that has behavioral issues and ADD tendencies then you would understand . .

more updates to come :o)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

1 week

ok not quite, but close enough, since Goose started fish oil.  I can't say that I've seen a huge change in behavior yet BUT there is one thing that it has helped tremendously.  *drum roll please*

Goose's upper arms and chest use to look like this .....

yep that nasty chicken skin look that KP (Keratosis Pilaris) provides has cleared up!!!  I would say that it looks like this now .......

(isn't that just the cutest thing you've ever seen)

Ok maybe her skin isn't that soft YET but it's so nice that she's not so self conscience of her arms because you can not see a bump any where.  If you rub your hands across the skin, it feels a lil bumpier than most people skin, but we will gladly take it!

Happy Saturday everyone!!!  I am off to Toledo to see a local musician/band and just relax!!! 

Monday, August 16, 2010

Experiment

As some of you who've been around for awhile know, Goose is a handful.  She was placed in counseling during school last year because of her high risk behaviors.  On top of that she is a VERY emotional gal (ie angers easily, cries at the drop of a pin, etc).

I was going to push to have her evaluated to see if she falls on a spectrum somewhere.  Not so I could use the diagnosis as a crutch, but so we could approach her with the needed resources.  Our doctor is concerned, but wants to see how the start of school goes.  In the mean time I have done some research of my own.

Many know that fish oil is a natural supplement for heart & cholestorol health.  BUT it has been shown to help with moods & behaviors also.  The research I have found show that there are children who are known ADD/ADHD, on the Autism spectrum, or depressed & who have been able to stop their medicines because of Fish Oil.  A lightbulb went off in my head ... A NATURAL supplement that may help Goose. 

Needless to say, last night I gave Goose her first dose.  I was afraid because I didn't get the sublingual drops but the soft gels that rival prenatals.  She took a sip of water then placed the pill in her mouth. Another sip of water & gulp.  Did it go down???  A quick peek showed nope.  She's laughing and I am smiling saying take another drink & try again.  Once again - FAIL.  My last encouragement - I told her to chug her water *laugh*  and guess what it worked!

So here is to Fish Oil & my little experiment.  I will try to keep you all update.

xo

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Days 5 & 6

Day 5 -->  Something you hope to do in your life.
To make a difference in people's lives.  Whether that is just by being the best I can be or by actually being able to get my hands in a project to do so.





Day 6 --> Something you hope you never have to do.
Bury one of my girls.  I know that the possibility is there - I have seen my grandma bury 2 of her 3 children & the grief it has brought.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Day 04

Something you have to forgive someone for

I need to forgive a person for their past mistakes so that we can move forward. 
It is harder than it seems though because in the back of my mind I am fearful it will happen again.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

DAYS 2 & 3

Something you love about yourself

My compassion for others

how expressive my eyes are


but most of all I LOVE that over the last year I have become comfortable with who I am!
from looks to personality I love that I am okay with me



 
Something you have to forgive yourself for


Wow this is a hard one as part of learning to love myself included forgiving myself of all my mistakes & faults.  From being overweight, to being mentally unstable at times, to the relationships I have lost because of my personality.  The list could go on.

WAIT I know ... I need to forgive myself for not always being the best mom & wife.  That is a daily forgiveness for me because I know that I am not perfect!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

DAY 1

Something you hate about yourself

This prompt reminded me of this post: Me at My Worst

I still have to say the thing I hate most about myself is the automatic reaction when I feel hurt or violated.  I take such pride in what I do and I care passionately about all I do that when I am challenged (or told I am wrong etc, etc, etc) that I instantly crumble.  Once I get all the emotion out I am okay & able to absorb what was said  & then apply it (if I think it is worthwhile advice)

30 Day Challenge

Well after a long break I found something that peaked my interest enough to draw me out of my blog hibernation. 

There is a 30 Days of Truth challenge going on out in the blogasphere - I found the information HERE BUT because I am lazy I'm going to post all 30 days prompts here also :o) 

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
 
Because this is my blog, I may or may not post on every single one.  YES I know that part of the challenge is to do so, but you know what I have learned that it's ok to "color" outside the lines in life

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Holding on by a Thread


What do you do when you have a friendship that is just being held together by one little thread??

You are at different points in your lives.

You don't have the same goals.

It's a struggle to find commonality.


And when that thread is tested and pulled tighter than ever before what happens??

Do you let it snap & say ef it?

Do you get out the clear nail polish and try to fix it?

Do you just bless & release?


I think I am at the point of bless & release.  I will always love them, but I think that it is time to set the friendship back out to the sea of time.  We returned once to each other & maybe we will again. If not, we will always have the memories.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Wordless Wednesday!


on rainy days like today I look at my phone & see this ... an instant pick me up :o)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Weekly Wisdom - Change

You'll never change your life until you change your choices.


thanks google for image :o)

If you want something in your life to change, then you'll have to change your choices and actions. That is because doing the same thing will never get you different results.

In other words, what you do -- the choices you make, the way you treat people, the attitudes you have -- all impact your life. If, by your actions, you're sowing bad seeds, then you'll reap a harvest of those things. 2 Corinthians 9:6 says, Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.

Therefore, if you want to reap abundant harvests in your life, start sowing abundant seeds. That may require changing your choices; but until you change your choices, you'll never change your life.



Saturday, May 29, 2010

Healing Stones


thanks google for image :o)

What do you think when you hear healing stones??

Until recently I would think about hot stone massages.  If you have never had one, I strongly encourage you to ... oh the pure bliss.  anyways, before I get sidetracked any more let me move on.

I was browsing Paperback Swap last weekend when I stumbled upon a book.  It peaked my interested for several reason & quickly used up one of my credits requesting it.  It arrived in my mailbox Thursday or Friday night & once I started reading it I couldn't put it down.  The deepth of this book just BLEW me away.



In my opinion, this is one of the best Christian fiction books I have read - heck I would said it is in the top 10 books EVER & I have read a lot in my 32 years.

Amazon's blurb ...
With one flash of a camera, Demi's private life becomes public news. She doesn't know it yet, but her healing has just begun.

Christian college professor Demitria Costanas had vowed to end her affair with a colleague. But she gives into temptation one last time...and a lurking photographer captures her weakness for all to see. Quite literally, she's the woman caught in adultery. And almost everyone--herself included--has a stone to throw.

Enter Sullivan Crisp, a decidedly unorthodox psychologist with his own baggage. He's well-known for his quirky sense of humor and incorporation of "game show" theology into his counseling sessions. And yet there's something more he offers...hope for a fresh start.

Reluctantly the two of them begin an uplifting, uneven journey filled with healing and grace. By turns funny and touching, this story explores the ways humans hurt each other and deceive themselves. And it shows the endlessly creative means God uses to turn stones of accusation and shame into works of beauty that lead us onto the path of healing.

An auspicious debut for a candid yet tender series about pain, healing, and God's invitation for second chances.

This blurb does not do this book justice & neither do I.  Let me just say this: I learned so much in the last two days, that my last year and half makes more sense to me than it ever has.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

rambles

Some of you may be wondering why I have had such a shift in thoughts & lack of posts.

Simply put, I am enjoying life to it's fullest & if I have time to blog I do, if I don't well it's the least of my worries.

It was a year ago that I fell into a major depression. It was a first for me, not the depression part, I have been battling that for YEARS.  I know that I will always take a pill to help regulate my brian's chemical balance.  I am okay with that.  BUT this major depression thing threw me for a loop.  I lost 20+ pounds in 2 weeks because nothing tasted good & what I did force myself to eat didn't stay in my system for long.  I would want to sleep all day & then at night I couldn't sleep a lick.  It was HORRIBLE.

People were looking at me like I had grown a second head & avoiding me because they didn't know how to handle what was going on.  It was one of the loneliest times of my life - I know now that I wasn't completely alone even tho it felt like it.  God was always there - I just lost that connection, but you know what is wonderful - He never left me.  He stood by me & made sure I made it through this trial - I may of been a little rough around the edges, but I made it.

In the next month or so, as I have time, I probably will be posting a little more about depression & medicine & why education is sooo very imortant for everyone that is involved in the person's life.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

a flea

I have an attention span of a flea.

I pick up hobbies/ideas then discard them quicker than one can say or spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Scrapbooking - my MIL & co-workers introduced me to it when I was pregnant with Goose 7 yrs ago.  I purchased the basics from Creative Memories & a whole lot of paper & stickers from here and there.  Know how many books I've completed - ZERO

Exercise - hahahaha I could run a gym with all the videos & equipment I have purchased over the years.  I joined a couple different places (I really did *heart* Curves when I was a member & should have gotten back into it after having Goose) but have failed to follow thru with said memberships

Yeah that is just two examples, but I think you get the point.

at this point in my life it feels as tho blogging is joining the ranks ...
I have things I think would make interesting, thought provoking posts, but I can't get them from my brain to the screen.

Life is also taking over - work x3 jobs, the girls, the dog . . .

I don't think I am going to shut this place down, because there are alot of memories & parts of my soul here.  I think I'm going to go back to my original reason for blogging - updating friends & family of our going ons and sharing my occasional struggles.  Posts will be sporadic for sure & don't think if you unfollow me I will be hurt.

xo MJ

Monday, May 10, 2010

Two is a Magical Number

yeah, yeah Schoolhouse Rock has us all fooled ... the number three isn't all that magical in my eyes & here is why . . . . .
TWO years ago today I started the day out like this:


and ended it like this:


TWO years ago today I learned how a mother's love could grow
to include TWO beautiful daughters.

this was actually the next day, I had a spinal headache & it was difficult to sit up


TWO YEARS LATER

and my heart still swells at the blessings I have been granted.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUCKY!
momma loves you very much

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Plan B

When I opened my email this morning, one of my daily reads was waiting for me.  Lindsey of I'm Just Saying, posted about her pastor and author Pete Wilson’s debut book Plan B.  It intrigued me so I went to Amazon to check it out a little more and found this excerpt:

"We spend a lot of time worried about what is happening to us. We focus a lot of attention on when things might happen. We ask a lot of questions about where we will end up. Often in life, the what, when and where are not going to turn out the way you want them to turn out. You don't always get to choose those things, but you do get to choose the why. You may not get to choose what your future is going to be, but at any given time you do get to choose why you're living the way you do."

This sounded like something that I could really relate to - even though I have done SOOO much better at just going with the flow, I have been known to be very HURT when things do not go the way I think they should.  I promptly purchased a copy & can not wait for it to show up in my mailbox.  Then I thought, "Hey MJ maybe someone else could benefit from this also, so why not make a post about it" and here we are!

I hope you all have a terrific Tuesday.

PS Tina - I would love to respond to your comments thru email, but when I hit reply it goes to noreply@blogger.  Go to your Dashboard on Blogger.com. Hit your edit profile, right next to your picture, avatar or whatever else you have showing. Scroll down to the line that says : Show my email address and CHECK THE BOX. Hit save. Thanks :o)

Monday, May 3, 2010

Weekly Wisdom

This is from an email I received this morning.  I felt it was worthy of a weekly wisdom post . . .

“That is why I am suffering as I am, yet I am not ashamed because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day” (2 Timothy 1:12, NIV).

Paul was imprisoned in Rome when he wrote these words to Timothy. Paul speaks with clarity and conviction, knowing that God will look after those things that are of most importance to him, even as he writes alone in his cell.

I wonder what was important to Paul? For sure he valued the gospel message that Paul had been so faithful in sharing. But I believe that people were his biggest investment—loved ones like Timothy that were now beyond his reach.

I have a book mark in my Bible –a picture of a little girl. Written on the back are the precious names and dates when I entrusted my three daughters to His care. That was many years ago when they were close beside me each day. Now they are scattered far and wide.

Have you entrusted a loved one to His care? Sometimes it’s hard to let go without giving way to fears that arise, especially when we see them making poor choices. Maybe it’s the mothering instinct that we have but many of us long to “fix” our children, our family, and those we love so deeply. I once heard a mother asked which of her children she loved the most. Her response was, the child that hurts the deepest.

Jesus prayed for his disciples as he was preparing to leave them. (John 17:11-15) He asked the father to protect them. While he was with them, He protected them, but now the time had come to send them out into the word. In verse 15 he asks the father not to take them from the world, but to protect them from the evil one.

This is my prayer for my daughters. I can’t shelter them from the evil in this world, but there is one who can. If ever I am tempted to worry about them, I look at my bookmark, and I’m reminded that I have entrusted them to His care. My heavenly Father is a faithful God who has proved himself many times. He is able to keep that which I’ve committed to him. As much as I love them, He loves them more.

Who do you need to let go of today, end entrust to His care?

Thank you Father that you watch over those that we love and that as we pray for them, you will continue to work in their lives through the power of your Holy Spirit. Help us Lord, to not be tempted to worry over them, but entrust them to your care. Amen

Questions: Do you need to let go of something and give to God?

author Beverley Rayner

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Thoughts & Prayers

are going out to all Tennessean's right now. 

They are under a "National Emergency" due to flooding.   CNN coverage


One of my friends was on her way home from work & is now stranded along side the highway.  She's been sitting there for over 6 hours!

The Plague


It seems as though we have been stricken with a plague of sorts.  Well not really, but every one looks at you like you do when you say MRSA (MerSA).

On Tuesday I had to take Ducky to ambulatory care because of the pimple-like abscess on her right thigh/buttock crease.  In a matter of 9 hours it grew 3x larger & was red, hot & tight - the poor girl could barely hobble & it hurt her to sit.  It had to be lanced in order to relieve that pressure & altho it hurt, she was sooo much happier when it was all said and done.  BUT here is the part that gets me, upon first look at the abscess the staff sort of looked at us like "OMG it's MRSA & how in the heck did the baby get it" 

Well what they don't realize is that by now I am a pro at dealing with this crap & that it's not because we are dirty or I don't care that she got this.  Almost 4 years ago is when, as a family, we began to deal with this.  B had an abscess on his leg that he tried to self treat, and ended up in the hospital for a week and a gapping hole from where they had to cut it out.  Since then, he as had several other, smaller, abscesses and I have had two.  I know that I am a colonized with MRSA and wouldn't be surprised if I am a carrier - and I'm pretty sure B is also.

Then to top it off, much of the public is very under educated about what MRSA is.  Their knowledge is limited to the outbreak scares, word of mouth, & internet searches.  People, we all have staph that grows on our skin & unfortunately thru antibiotic abuse (over use, not taking as directed) there are now strains that are very resistent to some types of antibiotics - that is MRSA.

So in effort I am sharing some facts about MRSA.  I am trying to locate the one site that we use at work that has a WONDERFUL booklet about living with MRSA and other fact sheets.  But for now here is this:

MRSA is caused by a strain of Staphylococcus aureus (S. aureus) bacteria or usually called “staph“. S. aureus is a common type of bacteria that normally lives on the skin and sometimes in the nose. MRSA is difficult to treat than most staph Because it’s resistant to some commonly used and powerful antibiotics such as penicillin (Bacteria may develop resistance to antibiotics when they are used but are not needed or not taken as directed.) Staph aureus is common and generally about 30 percent of all people are colonized with staph at any given time.
 
Many ordinary people already have MRSA bacteria living on their skin or in their noses. These people are known as carriers, they do not showed any symptoms, but they do carry the disease to other people ( non-carriers ). While 25 percent to 30 percent of the population carries staph, it is estimated that 1 percent carries MRSA, according to CDC.


Normally the bacteria they carry do not cause major health problems unless the bacteria manage to enter the body through wounds or open skin. Even then, it usually only result in minor skin conditions, such as acne pimples. However, when the susceptible populations identified above come into direct contact with carriers, there is a large potential for them to develop severe staph infections and serious disease.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

jaloijgoiajmnogvaoiuhgtoahogthjognbjnaoigtj

yea that sums up what is going thru my head right now

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

What I'm Missing


I miss having the perfect spot to reflect.

There is something about being able to sit in a swing and just think.  It's almost like the motion helps clarify what is running through my brain at 200 MPH.  I don't think I could do rocket science, but I could help create world peace ;o)

The other day as I was sitting on a friend's front porch the longing for a swing came back.  I need to find a freestanding one since I don't even have a front porch :o(   Maybe it will help create a calm in my life that is desperately needed.  I can see it now, sitting out front watching the world go by & enjoying a book while the girls are out back playing on the swingset or romping in the grass with Jedi.  Yes, a swing is a must have!

Where is your place of sernity?


Monday, April 19, 2010

Betty Crocker Moment

thanks Google for the image

The other night I don't know what came over me, but I had an intense desire to bake.  I didn't want anything sweet - I was craving a comfort food (in my case it always involves carbs!).  I spied 4 ripe banana's on the counter & knew just what I was going to make.  Yup, Banana Nut Bread - sans nuts since I have 3 very picky eaters.
Here is the recipe that I enjoy:

8 Tbsp (1 stick) Butter at room temp (I used real, salted butter)
3/4 cup Sugar
2 Eggs
1 cup All Purpose Flour (I used 3/4 cup)
1 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Salt
1 cup Whole Wheat Flour (I used 1 1/4 cups)
3 large ripe bananas, mashed
1 tsp Vanilla
1/2 cup shelled Walnuts, coarsely chopped

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees & grease a 9x5x3 bread pan.

2.  Cream butter & sugar until light & fluffy.  Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.

3.  Sift all purpose flour, baking soda & salt together.  Stir in whole wheat flour & add to creamed mixture, mixing well. (I also add in a few spices at this point)

4.  Fold in bananas, vanilla, & walnuts.

5.  Pour mixture into pan.  Bake 50 to 60 minutes or cake tester comes out clean.  Cool in pan for 10 minutes.
Makes ONE loaf. 


There is nothing like the smell of homemade anything baking.  It also makes me feel like I am providing for my family in one of the most simple ways - through love & their stomaches :o)

What is one of your comfort foods??

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Why Can't I?

The other day as I was sitting on a friend's front porch I realized something.  My issue is not that I don't have people who want to be friends/friendly, it's that I don't know how to carry on a normal conversation.  They start talking and I give one word answers & don't expand on the topic.

Point in case, we had just finished having the pink redone on my Celtic Motherhood Knot, when a friend of the friend stopped by.  He asked "Oh, what did you have done??"  Instead of going into details of what it is & what it means to me - I showed him the tat & then proceeded to turn around sit down and smile like a dumbass.
thanks to google for the image

What is wrong with me??  Why can't I take a normal conversation starter & go with it??

Oh, and don't think that this is an isolated incident.  It happens ALL.THE.TIME.

What can I do to overcome this??  Have any of you had problems with this?

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Weekly Wisdom - Life is too short

Life is too short to spend it hating.


In Leviticus 19:17, God warns us against hating others: "Do not hate your brother in your heart." Interestingly, that verse shows us that hate isn't just an action; it is also an attitude of the heart. Many times we hate someone in our heart, yet pretend to like them. However, hating someone in your heart is nonetheless hate -- and thus despised by God.



Although it sounds harsh, 1 John 3:15 says that anyone who hates his brother is a murderer. Indeed, as far as your heart is concerned, to hate is to murder. In other words, hating someone is no different than murdering them in your hearts.



If you hate someone, you'll be thinking negatively about them, slandering them (if not verbally, at least in your heart), and cutting them down with your thoughts and words. Thus, it is no surprise that God sternly warns us not to hate others, because life is too short to spend it hating.


Friday, April 16, 2010

It's Amazing

what a special delivery can do to brighten your day.  Especially when it was a really long & busy one.

About 330 I received a call from one of the registration girls asking me if I wanted to come visit her real quick.  I was like, ummm why??  Someone is here with a delivery for you, do you want her to leave it or for me to direct her to you.  I told her to just have it left there & that I would be right over.

What did I find??

with a card that said:
Beautiful flowers for a
beautiful lady

of course it was unsigned, but I knew instantly who sent them.
There is only a very select few that knows I *heart* daisies, and only one who made the mistake of sending me roses once.  B is trying to re-woo me I do believe.

It defintely brought a smile to my face today :o)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Should I Be . . .

hurt? glad? relieved?

Monday marked my first full day in my new closet, err office I mean.  I have been more productive these last 3 days than I have in months.  Altho my office is in need of some MJ touches because it is full of electrical gadgets & my desk.



see & you all thought I was kidding!!!!

The issue is that I don't know how to feel about the "area" I moved from.  I wanted out because I couldn't stand all the negativity the girls have about our place of employment.  I am thankful to have a job & any of the extras are just that extras, I don't expect more.  I respect my superiors because last I knew that is what you are suppose to do.  I may not agree 100% with things, and I let it be known, but I don't bad mouth them for it. 

Since I have moved, due to addition of more nurses, I have noticed that they are spending alot more time together as a group.  We NEVER use to go to lunch together, and now they are.  They NEVER use to take breaks together, now they are.  You see a trend??  Are they celebrating me moving out of the area???  Do they just have some extra time that allows them to do this? 

Honestly, I don't mind because I am LOVING the peace and quiet my office brings - but I couldn't help the thoughts that ran through my head when I noticed this.

Peace & Pandora
MJ

Monday, April 12, 2010

Dog Days

We have been tossing around about getting another dog.  I *heart* boxers and would love to have another one but I also want to "rescue" or take in one that needs a new home.  We have been watching Craigslist & Angels for Animals to see if we could find a pooch we all could love.  I thought we had found a BEAUTIFUL boxer thru Angels,   but she went to a wonderful home in Indiana.

Saturday I thought what the hey lets look one more time at Craigslist

This was posted just minutes prior to my arrival:
Boston Bulldog
6 mo male
loves kids
crate trained
on his way to being housebroken
and then this picture:
How could you NOT fall in love with that face!!!

I tried calling B, but no answer.  I hmm'd haw'd around for 5 minutes and then decided I didn't care what he thought, if we were to get this dog I need to call NOW.  RING * RING * RING * RING CRAP he's already received a call on him, but me being hopeful left a message.

10 minutes later the guy calls me saying that yeah he was talking with a girl from Findlay and that she wasn't sure & wanted more pictures.  He went ahead and answered my questions (#1 WHY are you rehoming him? because he was their SEVENTH dog!!!!) and we talked for 20 minutes about him & dogs in general.  He offered me their little chihuahua Libby if we really were interested in a dog because he could tell I was a good person & knew I would give her a good home.  I told him I would talk it over with B during supper with my parents.  Well on the way to Ottawa I got the best news EVER.  The girl from Findlay called and said that she was too busy to come and that if he was still available when she could come down she would take him.  The guy decided that she really didn't want the cutie and wanted to offer him to me!!

This is were I admit I was crazy, but I took lessons from HL ;o)   I went by myself, 40 min south, to a stranger's house to meet this lil guy. And it was love at first site (of coures I loved all of the dogs they had .... a cancer ridden pit bull *ssooo sweet*, 2 English Bulldogs, 2 Boston Terriers, the chihuahua, & of course the Boston Bulldog)


An hour after arriving at their home I decided it was time to go

and of course he came with me!!!

Introducing the newest member of the family
Jedi :o)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Over



I am able to say that it's over - and I couldn't be more at peace right now with the situation from a year ago than I am right now.   The person I thought was a wonderful friend wasn't meant to be mine, and you know what I'm okay with that.  I have enough crap to deal with & don't need hers.

Now to face everything else going on in my life!

I don't want to do grown up stuff


so instead I'm doing the Sunday Stealing: The Me Me Meme

1. Never in my life have I been:  to California

2. The one person who can drive me nuts is: myself

3. High school was: torture, but I would go back

4. When I’m nervous I:  rock, talk fast, & stutter

5. The last song I listened to was:  I Heart ? - Taylor Swift ... oh wait Theory of a Deadman "Not Meant to Be" just came on - I **HEART** this song

6. If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: Renee

7. My hair is:  growing on me

8. When I was 5:  my brother fed me some "special" chocolate covered raisins - that weren't really raisins

9. Last Christmas:  was enjoyable thanks to the girls!

10. I should be..: cleaning, balancing the checkbook . . .

11. When I look down I see:  the new puppy & our wonderful, original hardwood floors

12. The happiest recent event was: every day is a happy event :o)

13. If I were a character on 'Friend' I would be: Pheobe

14. By this time next year:  I still won't have decided what I want to go back to school for

15. My current gripe is:  that there is a double standard

16. I have a hard time understanding: why some don't have common sense

17. There’s this girl I know that: is really confused as to what she wants out of life

18. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be:  Renee

19. Take my advice: your happiness is only up to you

20. The thing I want to buy: a new fridge

21. If you visited the place I was born: you would see corn fields

22. I plan to visit: I don't really plan to visit anywhere BIG right now, but going to KY in July with the girls & going to do a day trip to Nashville while down there

23. If you spent the night at my house: you would see just how crazy my life is & I would prob wait on you hand and foot

24. I’d stop my wedding if: someone was sick

25. The world could do without: judgement

26. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:  uummm I wouldnt

27. Most recent thing I’ve bought myself:  capris

28. Most recent thing someone else bought me: supper

29. My favorite blonde is: Renee ;o)

30. My favorite brunette is:  a warm amber one (LOL yes I know that they were looking for names of famous)

31. My favorite red head is:  HeatherLynn of course

32. My middle name is:  Jane

33. In the morning I:  run around like a chicken with it's head cut off

34. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are:  uumm none - and there are no "tripping" experiences to say something crazy like Elephants

35. Once, at a bar: in Canada I passed out sitting on the toliet

36. Last night I was:  at some stranger's house for an hour and lived to tell about it

37. There’s this guy I know who:  is worse than me with the innuedos

38. If I was an animal I’d be:  a tiger

39. A better name for me would be: a pain in the ass

40. Tomorrow I am: going to enjoy having a closet, err office, all to myself

41. Tonight I am:  going to have family game night

42. My birthday is:  just another day

Friday, April 9, 2010

i don't know what to title this

first off - welcome to the new followers!! I am soo sorry I haven't responded to your comments yet.  It has been a crazy week in my household - I hope you enjoy your visits & that you stick around.

crazy week is an understatement.  Work is busy for this time of the year - not that I am complaining.  The other day though I had one of the anesthesia docs call me & use his "stearn" voice with me.  I supposedly didn't do my job, well I did but he was uber cranky as was the surgeon.  An older, sick, guy was having some hardware removed from his mouth & when I talked with the surgeon's staff I told her I had labs & ekg from X date and that I would need new history & physical and orders.  Well they also ran new labs (which I didn't know) & the surgeon was PO'd that they weren't on the chart.  He got in the anes doc's face, which is why he called me.  Of couse I got mouthy with the anes doc because I did all I could do - I asked him where I was suppose to pull this crap out of & if he wanted to get me a crystal ball!?

Then my "free" time this week was spent on the phone making sure that everything was lined up for the office move.  This morning I arrived at work 15 min early to find my desk in pieces out side of my new closet office & my computer and phone were disconnected & thrown to the side in the old "office"  I hooked up the phone so I could at least answer incoming calls - good thing too since there were a few more than usual this morning.  We had a company come in & make sure that my existing desk would fit in the closet, along with a 3 drawer file cabinet.  When the guys were setting up the desk I get a "Mary come here & look at this". Yeah everything fit, but there was no way I could open the drawers.  ugh  So back to the drawing board I went - trying to figure out how I was going to get my phone, computer, printer, & 2 faxes in this place without things to set them on.  In the end it all worked out & thanks to a wonderful biomed I was up and fully functional by 1pm!
(my highlight of Wednesday - my new chair, sooo comfy)

Today was an awesome day for compliments.  I did Friday casual since I knew I was moving - really nice pair of jeans & a sweater with my boots.  I think I received more compliments on this outfit than I received my whole life.  Then they were also saying how the loved the hair - which is disaster since last weekend I went for a "trim" and ended up with it all cut off but the front pieces.  I came home & promptly cut 2 inches off the front because it just looked stupid.  Oh and one of the people saying they liked my sweater was another anesthesia doc that is normally not so nice (we have a major love HATE relationship, heavy on the hate)

Then to top off the night, I get a text from someone that I haven't talked to in months. 
"did you need something this morning?"  uummm what are talking about
"you called at 601"  crap. B was going thru my phone while I was in the shower & hit send on a msg I had saved when a whole shitload of crap was going on. 
I called him on it & now I am in the wrong for being upset. UGH

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Me at My Worst

One of my favorite bloggers started providing writing prompts last week & I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn't get a chance to participate.  However, I made up my mind there was NO way I was going to miss it this week.  If you do not already read Tattoos and Teething Rings you really have no clue what you are missing.  Nicole is a down to earth mom of two & wife of a guitarist who tours a couple times a year with the band. Now scoot - get on over there and check her out!!

2) Write about your worst personality trait or bad habit. Be honest; none of this "My worst habit is that I'm so kind to everyone...blah blah blah." Time to fess up! (And, since you are aware of this bad habit or trait, is there a reason you haven't changed?)

Oh crap Nicole - do you realize you opened a can of worms with this one?!?
I could choose to write about this:

OR this




OR A NUMBER OF ANY OTHER BAD HABITS


Honestly, my jumping to conclusions has improved greatly over the last year.  Yeah sometimes I find myself jumping from lily pad to lily pad, but I can quickly stop myself - so I guess the first choice isn't the one.

REACTING BEFORE THINKING
yep I admit it, I react before thinking things through more often than not (ie: knee jerk responses).  It has to be one of the worst habits I have.   This response isn't to everything that happens in my life, but in things that I have emotionally attached myself to or if I feel like I am being attacked.  Case in point, I had someone tell me that they hadn't been honest with me like they promised.  I felt violated & hurt and I let it be known - afterwards I regretted the way I worded some things.  But as soon as I heard that, I went on the defense.
I don't mean to have these responses - I HATE that I do.  I wish that there was a magical switch that I could turn that part of my brain off, alas there is not.  However, when I feel my hackles start to raise, I do try some breathing exercises to slow down the adrenaline rush so that I am less likely to "call it as I see it".  It's better, but a long way from being fixed.  I'm sure it will take many years to correct itself seing as how it has had 32 years to develop

Friday, April 2, 2010

East to West

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. Psalm 103:12, NLT

image from Google Images


East and west can never meet. This is a symbolic portrait of God’s forgiveness—when he forgives our sin, he separates it from us and doesn’t even remember it. We need never wallow in the past, for God forgives and forgets. We tend to dredge up the ugly past, but God has wiped our record clean.

If we are to follow God, we must model his forgiveness. When we forgive another, we must also forget the sin. Otherwise, we have not truly forgiven.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

FREEDOM

I don't know if hanging around the "fiery redhead" has rubbed off on this mousy-brown haired girl or what, but let me tell you - I haven't felt this feisty & strong in a long time.

Sunday & Monday sucked donkey balls - no if, ands, or buts about it.  Days like that use to drain me, but for some reason Tuesday & Today I have felt better than I have in a long time.

I am pretty sure it has to do with the fact that I was finally able to say what I want & not feel like I was walking on eggshells. 

And for some reason today I have been walking around singing "FREEDOM" in my head.  ALL.DAY.LONG :o)


I do need your all opinions though please!  If you had someone come back in your life, and after getting some answers that they were seeking, they continued to talk - would you not think that things were ok between you.  Not perfect, not great, but ok.  AND when you asked said person if they really wanted you in their life and they didn't say no, or they answered "you don't have to shush" when you say you will be quiet - would you not think things were ok??

I guess my thinking was faulty and those things really don't mean that at all - but know what I DON'T CARE!!!!!!  FREEDOM

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Good Grief


I was told that my girls are not safe with me, because I admit that there are some days I think it would be easier if I wasn't around. Because I look at what my issues have done to Goose & it hurts me. I think that is a normal guilt feeling though.

I was told that I lie about everything just so that people think I am ok.  That must mean my whole life is a lie, right?  wow - wouldn't it get exhausting trying to keep up with them all.  Maybe that is why I am so tired, not because I work full time, run a house (not very good, but I try), work 2 part time jobs, & try to have a life outside of all that. no, not at all

I was told that I lied because I applied for daycare assistance when we had low income.  Had I not applied, been approved & re-approved 6 months later, I would have been destitute.  I was told that because I did this, I was preventing people who really could use the help from getting it.  Yet I am the working poor & am paying for that help. 

* * * *


I let it be known that all the attention seeking was getting old.


I let it be known that I didn't think that it was safe for kids to be around someone who feels faint all the time.


I admitted that I AM better off now!! 

What was said didn't hurt me one bit, it was a huge RELIEF.


Sianara to that chapter of my life.  Thanks for all the lessons.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Life is Short

LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. Psalm 39:4, NLT
photo from Google Images

Life is short no matter how long we live. If there is something important we want to do, we must not put it off for a better day.

Ask yourself, “If I had only six months to live, what would I do?” Tell someone that you love him or her? Deal with an undisciplined area in your life? Tell someone about Jesus? Because life is short, don’t neglect what is truly important.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

How LOW can you go?


image from google images

As I have been evaluating my life, I realize that a lot of my disappointments have stemmed from my expectations. I want things to go a certain way & when they don't, I am left feeling deflated like a day old helium balloon.


I don't know about you, but I would much rather not feel empty, wanting, pissed off, etc. So how was I to do that?

Lower my expectations!

My expectations for myself & others always seemed to linger in the top third of the Limbo poles. There was sooo much room under the set bar that it would be hard for anyone to touch it. In Limbo, that is a good thing, in expectations, not so much. When I realized what was happening, I immediately lowered the bar for family, friends, & co-workers. Finally they were able to reach the bar & I wasn't left feeling resentment or disappointment!!!

I am still working on lowering the bar for myself - that is a hard one to do though because I am a people pleaser. If something goes wrong I feel as if I am a failure because I didn't try my hardest. If I let someone down, I will do whatever I can to make it right. When I catch myself in this mode, I take a moment to reflect on how high the bar is, and then I lower it a notch or two.

It is like any habit, it will take a long time to keep the bar at the lower level. I will slip up & set it too high for myself (and probably others too). But now that I am aware of this, I will hopefully be able to control my reaction & not feel like that deflated balloon - void of the gas that it needs to keep floating & bobbing merrily along it's path.