Saturday, October 31, 2009


I sucked it up and took the girls Trick-or-Treating on Thursday night. It turned out to be a nice evening weather wise and the girls seemed to have fun. Please ignore the messy house (damn working full time) and blurry pictures (trying to run after the heathens girls).
What is great, I didn't spend a dime for the costumes this year!!! Goose's Princess dress was one of her dress-up ones and Ducky's Cheerleading outfit was a gift several years ago (yes I am a hoarder).

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!
Have fun & be safe!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Faithful Friday

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6, NLT

Do you sometimes feel as though you aren't making progress in your spiritual life? When God starts a project, he completes it! As with the Philippians, God will help you grow in grace until he has completed his work in your life.

When you are discouraged, remember that God won't give up on you. He promises to finish the work he has begun. When you feel incomplete, unfinished, or distressed by your shortcomings, remember God's promise and provision. Don't let your present condition rob you of the joy of knowing Christ or keep you from growing closer to him.

Friday Confessional Take 3

Fridays around here mean two things, I get to post a Faithful Friday Bit and I also start a Friday Confessional.


First confession of this post - I wonder if people really enjoy this!?

We are on take 3 of this confessional and response was eh, lukewarm. Of course this could be because of the awesome BLerapy Day that was started.

If you like the idea of the confessional, please play along. If you have any suggestions, PLEASE let me know. I am all about constructive criticism!

A housekeeping item:
1. Confessions must NOT contain anything ILLEGAL (ie: murder)


Create a post on your site displaying the lovely Friday Confession Cartoon, link back to here, and leave a comment with your info. *I'm doing away with Mr Linky until there is more of a request for* (If anyone would like use of Mr Linky - I would be willing to share so you can create your own - I splurged and bought the silver membership -$5 - which was paid for by taking a survey - woot woot)


Post your confession in my comments - whether you are signed into your account or as anon. It would be great if you did this route, if you could at least put the fun Friday Confession Cartoon on your site saying you posted a confession over here.

Easy as making a poor innocent child pee his pants on Halloween?!


I confess that -

* I have a stack of stats to put in at work - and I don't want to

* I really dislike dragging the girls around for Trick-or-Treat

* I should be cleaning as I am creating this post

* I haven't lost any more weight because of my friends Mt Dew and Sweet Tea

* I shouldn't but I am going to buy some kick ass boots and jeans for the Buckeye Bash


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Suck n Blow

Since so many of you were asking my opinion on my Dyson I thought I would write a quick post. Yes, I know I emailed several of you directly, tough toenails for you - skip this part and check out the blow part of the post. Reminder, this is just my opinion, and I am in no shape or form telling anyone not to buy one.

I bought my Dyson at the end of 2004 and obviously if I am still using it, it can't be TOO bad. I was mesmerized by the suction that Mr Dyson kept touting. If it was that good, man I could have a furless house and pets. (at this time we had 2 dogs and 3 cats in the house) I started talking about it at work and a few of the nurses said they LOVED their Dyson and couldn't imagine any other vacuum. Hhmmm, this made me want to jump on the band wagon even more so - yet I still wasn't too sure I wanted to shell out the money. One of my coworkers offered to bring hers over so I could try it - SWEET. She unloaded it and I started to play with all the features. First I {loved} the yellow, but ooo I could get it in purple too. Then there was the fantastic handle - I couldn't get over how wonderful it was that the hose was actually the handle and there was no stopping or unhooking, unsnapping, or any other of the "old" ways. I was sold. Never mind the fact I never actually test drove the actual vacuum - I had to have one. (Yes I am easy) Once I got my shiney new Dyson home I had to break it in. Oh wow, look at all the dirt in the collection cup - eewwww GROSS. At this time, we had carpet thru out our home and I never really noticed if it left anything behind or not. I was still amazed at the crap in the cup. However, since moving into a home that has the original hardwood floors thru out most of it, I am noticing that this baby doesn't pick up or suck as promised. Yes I have had it cleaned and maintenanced and it still doesn't perform as well as one picked up at Wal-Mart for under $100.

So the long story short on this is, if you really are interested in purchasing a Dyson, beg, borrow, steal one from a friend or family member first. Just remember to really try out the function that is most important to you. You never know, you may like it way more than I do!

- - -

This year Trick or Treating is going to BLOW if it rains or is nasty. In inclement weather, we have always had the option of going to a local nursing home/assisted living. Well due to the wonderful H1N1 epidemic they are canceling Trick or Treat there. Ggrrrr, I always hope for bad weather so that we can go there. It is all enclosed and I think the interaction with the elderly and confined is fantastic. Both parties benefit from this - the residents LOVE the kids and company - the children learn how important it is to be caring and maybe even a little empathy (okay maybe that is just wishful thinking)

I understand why they are not having it, but it really, really blows.

Has anyone else's Halloween/Fall/Autumn activities been effected by H1N1?

Be sure to check back tomorrow for Friday Confessional!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Swift Kick

I am a firm believer that we all need a swift kick in the arse sometimes.

We get wrapped up in our own lives and our own problems that we forget that in the grand scheme of things, is whatever we are worrying about really important?

Tuesday as I was replaying what went down Monday, a coworker just looked at me and point blank said "and how is that working for you? is your worrying and guilt really doing you or Goose any favors?" Oh My Goodness, she was right, my worry, my guilt was/is not doing either one of us good.

You want to know what is wonderful? (well even if you didn't you still are going to find out!) This person said something I really didn't want to hear in a way that made perfect sense and didn't make me feel like a total loser. No guilt. No pressure to listen to what she thought I needed to do.

Thanks to this coworker and several of your comments, I am looking at Goose's counseling as a blessing. This will hopefully bring more peace for her at school and on the home front. I also am *trying* not to put too much of the blame on myself.

If you have friends or acquaintances that can tell it how it is, treasure them, for they are definitely keepers.

**** I would like to share with you all a wonderful post by Tami G of Every Day in Gray - one of my newest followers. I went to her site today -Tuesday- (as you should with any new follower/commenter) and was shocked to fine a very similar post to the one that I had started to form in my mind. I find it amazing and humbling to know that many of us out in bloggy world encounter similar epiphanies.

Make it a great day!
But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. Psalm 3:3 NIV

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Post It Note Tuesday


Thanks to SupahMommy I am participating in Post It Note Tuesday - again. This is sort of addicting! If you want to play or just want to see more wonderful things, head on over to her site!





Have a wonderful Tuesday!

Monday, October 26, 2009


I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS. can I scream it one more time??? I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My 5 year old is very, VERY strong willed to say the least. She gets something in her mind and there is no changing it (I wonder where she gets that from)

Here I am, thinking that things are going okay (believe me I know better than to think that they are perfect) because each day when I ask how school was I would be told "great mom I was on green." (Green = good; yellow = cautious behavior; red = trouble) At the beginning of the school year there was a few things that needed ironed out - the teacher sent home a note once and there was one phone conversation. Since then I have heard nothing - until tonight.

Earlier in the evening I had missed a call from the school and they didn't leave a message - warning bell number one. This was at 445 and when I tried to call back 5 minutes later, there was no one to answer the office line (of course). I knew that something wasn't kosher, but I was not going to worry about it. Well then just a little bit ago my phone rang again - school's number. CRAP. It was the elementary principal (warning bell number 2). CRAP CRAP CRAP

It seems that lil Miss Goose has been having issues with authority and the word NO. It also seems that she likes to tell tall tales - that are obviously tall. Therefore, she will be going into a special counseling program at the school. They will be teaching her the skills she needs to survive school (such as respecting authority & following directions). You want to know what is ironic about this - I use to work in a group home teaching delinquent youth these exact same skills.

It breaks my heart to know that my child is struggling. I am placing the blame on me - this child has been through SO MUCH the last six months, and the majority of it was my fault. I let someone in our lives that then decided to just leave - she crys 3 or 4 nights a week because she misses her. Then there are my mental issues - and her being afraid I won't ever come back or be there when she gets home. (the poor child saw me being taken away in the ambulance this summer)

Right before going to bed tonight she told me that she wishes she could go back to preschool because she misses everyone there and how things were.

I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS - Weekly Wisdom - how fitting this one is

We can be joyful at all times not because we are spared affliction but because we are completely satisfied in Christ.

Jesus promises that we will suffer. In Matthew 10:17-18, Jesus warns his followers, "Be on your guard against men; they will hand you over to the local councils and flog you in their synagogues. On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles." Although that quote may seem distant or irrelevant to Christians today, the point remains that, in the words of Christ, "if the head of the house [Jesus himself] has been called Beelzebub, how much more the members of his household!"

Not only does Jesus promise that believers must suffer, the Apostle Paul assures us that the path to being an heir of God demands sharing in the sufferings of Christ (Romans 8:17). Similarly, Paul writes this to those in the church at Philippi: it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him (Philippians 1:29).
Clearly, we, as Christians, will not be spared affliction. (In addition to the Scriptures above, see Acts 9:15-16, Philippians 3:10-11, and 1 Timothy 1:8-9.)

Despite being assured affliction and suffering, Christ-followers can be joyful nonetheless.
We can be joyful not by creating a bubbly-faced facade of happiness to hide reality but rather by confidently knowing that, in the face of immense sin and suffering, we are secure in Christ. Why fear and be saddened by those who can only kill the body when you're protected by Him who can keep you from hell (Luke 12:4-7)? Or, to put it positively, rejoice that you have received the Holy Spirit, who guarantees your eternal salvation—and thus, your eternal joy (2 Corinthians 1:21-22).

The faith that justifies is the very same faith that satisfies. Saving faith satisfies us by weaning us from the short-lived satisfaction of sin to ultimate satisfaction in Christ.

Thus, despite the fact that suffering will come even—or, perhaps, especially—to us who profess faith in Christ, we can have great joy not because we are spared affliction but because we are completely satisfied in Christ.


It is AMAZING how free I have felt being cell phone free during work hours. *shush you Crackberry n IPhone addicts - I still have my personal computer to play on during breaks*

Up until a year ago, my cell would only ring or beep during work hours if it was an emergency or a doctor's office. Then a friend came into my life and she would text nonstop - and if you didn't answer, then OMG you didn't like her or you were mad. I started to get in the habit of keeping my phone in my pocket or tucked into my bra strap so that I could stay in constant contact. I was also guilty of encouraging this day time chatter because I swear I have undiagnosed adult ADD. I have to be doing at least 2 things at one time in order to really get much of anything accomplished.

The point I was trying to make is that I didn't realize how much of a nuisance that damn cell phone is!!!! Last Friday and today I have left it sit in my desk drawer and it is so nice to not have that added weight and burden to carry around (literally and figuratively). Now don't get me wrong, I couldn't go without my EnV3 - it is the only phone I own, but to not have to carry it around, to not have to check it every 10 minutes is wonderful.

What technical gadget could you do without or already go with out??

Sunday, October 25, 2009

On The Inside

Some of you may remember me wanting to run away a couple weeks ago - then I found this song. I have listened to it daily since - so why not share here also.

This is a bonus song from Leave This Town by Daughtry

Your life is like a crack in the mirror
Seven years of bad luck it ain't getting better now
Not till all is said and done
Reflection in the window is the same old face
Background small town everywhere you look around
Tell me what you're runnin from

Flip a coin and let it land in your hand
Heads you gonna stay but its tails

So you can move to another town
Hide where you're sure you wont be found
But its still just you on the inside
You can pretend it'll be alright
Said it to yourself but you know its just a lie
Cause its still just you on the inside

Still you on the inside...

Nothin faster than the speed of your leavin
A hundred miles an hour and there ain't no slowin down
But you can't outrun yourself
Hey you can say you fit in like a joker in the deck
But now you're skipping like a broken record goin round
You're the last to ask for help
You flip a coin and let it land in your hand
Heads you gonna stay but its tails

So you can move to another town
Hide where you're sure you wont be found
But its still just you on the inside
You can't pretend it'll be alright
Said it to yourself but you know its just a lie
Cause its still just you on the inside
Still you on the inside

Its never really been a question of how far
And at the end of every destination there you are

You can move to another town
Hide where you're sure you won't be found
But its still just you on the inside
You can pretend it will be alright
No matter how you sell it
When you tell it its a lie
Cause its still just you on the inside
Still you on the inside (You can go and change and to me you'll always be the same)
Still you on the inside (You can try and run and know you'll always be the same inside)
Still you on the inside (You can go and change and to me you'll always be the same)
Still you on the inside (You can try and run and know you'll always be the same inside)
Still love you on the inside.

One of my favorites

What is better on a Sunday than the comics?? The one day of the week where they are printed in color - and they alway seem more humorous. I remember as a kid just chomping at the bit to get to the comics.

As an adult, I "love" For Better or For Worse. I go online weekly to get my fix since we no longer subscribe to a newspaper. There is one from May 08 that made me weep when I read it. I could relate so much with it and then I thought "When did I become like that?" Here is the strip in all it's glory:

What is your favorite comic?


PS I had to re-write some of this. When I previewed last night it was ok, then when I came back to re-view it was jacked up. Bullshine. Have a great Sunday everyone.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Thank You

I felt that this was owed - no well deserved - to my faithful followers.

Many of you came when I was my witty self and were kind enough to follow me. Then my emotional crazy self came and reared it's ugly head. Because of this, I have a feeling that some of my followers have decided to just skip over my posts instead of doing the bloggy folly of un-follow - and that is fine, I don't blame you.

Some of you have stuck with me through this - and I really want to express my gratitude. Your comments and concern meant the world - and how sad is that??? But alas it is the truth. You my dear readers have fulfilled a missing part of my life. I crave for a way to express how I really am feeling and not be judged. Because I normally don't let people get close to me, my IRL friends are at minimal. You all are like going to a MOMS group or playdate, but fit into my hectic schedule a lot easier.

There are days that I think about securing my blog again - making it by invite only. Then I remembered why I opened it up. What I am going through is real life - not everyone has the picture perfect life they paint. If I am able to touch one person (why does that sound perverted?) and help them understand it is okay to be not perfect. If I am able to spread the word that depression happens - it is nothing to hide from. Then all this is worth it.

Thank you again to all my lovely followers - I really appreciate you sticking this out with me! Oh and you lurkers too.


Friday, October 23, 2009

Faithful Friday - Lord, if you are willing

Luke 5:12-13 - Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean
While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" And immediately the leprosy left him. (NIV)

To be covered with leprosy was a grotesque site. This man had undoubtedly become accustomed to rejection. He projects this rejection upon Jesus when he says, "if you are willing..." Notice how Jesus responds directly to his pain, "I am willing", then he reaches past his rejection and touches him.

What have we projected upon our Lord? Maybe our own rejection? Stinginess? Anger? Jesus is still stretching out His hand to touch our uncleanness. Jesus Christ came to reveal the Father, and that true understanding will cleanse us of the misconceptions that we have thrust upon Him.

Friday Confessional

Well here we are again - Friday, oh sweet Friday!

Fridays around here mean two things, I get to post a Faithful Friday Bit and I also start a Friday Confession. Last week was my first week running the Confessional, and well, it wasn't too successful. BUT that is to be expected. Friday Confessions was not well advertised and I am a newbie.

So we are going to try this yet again. If you like the idea, please play along. If you have any suggestions, PLEASE let me know. I am all about constructive criticism!

A few housekeeping items:
1. Confessions must NOT contain anything ILLEGAL (ie: murder)
2. Well really there is just the one housekeeping item, 1 just looked lonely sitting there all by itself.


Create a post on your site displaying the lovely Friday Confession Cartoon, link back to here, and sign in with Mr Linky.


Post your confession in my comments - whether you are signed into your account or as anon. It would be great if you did this route, if you could at least put the fun Friday Confession Cartoon on your site saying you posted a confession over here.

Easy as making a cake, don't ya think?!


So here goes nothing:

* Out of frustration of my husband's spending habits, I have purchased Starbucks WAY more than I should

* After reviewing the last week or so posts, I feel as though I have got caught up in blog carnivals

* Then after said realization, I go and create another carnival

* Part of me wishes my OBGYN wouldn't have so readily agreed to do the Novasure Ablation this past July

* I feel horrible for thinking the above - I am lucky to have 2 wonderful daughters and no more constant monthly (seriously it was a never ending monthly)


Thursday, October 22, 2009


I took down my last post, then put it back. I don't know what to do with it. It happened. I was sinking. I am sinking. Do I keep it up to broadcast it? Do I take it down and pretend it didn't happen??

I want to share with some of my newbies that may not have read some of my original posts. I suffer from major depression - I will be on some form of medicine the rest of my life. I am okay with that. For the most part the medicine does its job and I am ..... okay. We had to switch my medicine within the last 6 months because, well, I was going through a really rough spot. I had an official diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder. At that time I was hospitalized (which SUCKED because it was at the hospital I work at & I seem to know a lot of people) because I just couldn't cope any more. I took a handful+ of Tylenol PM because I wanted to go to sleep and it all be over with. At that time, I had been on the new medicine about 2 weeks - and if you know anything about medicine, it really wasn't long enough to see full effects. I went into counseling to deal with what caused me to have the adjustment disorder and was released because I am as over that part of my life as I will ever be.

However this morning I admitted to someone how lonely I really am and it brought on a flood of emotions. To know that you can be surrounded by people and be lonely is a horrible feeling. I realized that it had been several months since someone had asked me how I was doing and just as long since I had a hug that wasn't given in hopes of getting some. (sorry B, but it's the truth) I unfortunately didn't have work to distract me since I have been off the last couple days and the feelings and emotions overwhelmed me.

(B if you are reading this, stop right now because you are not going to like reading this)
I feel as though I am stuck. Stuck in a marriage that won't work - not for not trying either. Stuck in a life that is bound to be ...... I don't know what I want to say.

Thank you to the ones who commented and offered support on my sinking post.

PS - The medicine has kicked in - it does it's job - I function, which is the most important thing. I have set up an appointment next week to deal with these emotions I have been repressing.


im sinking

I will be MIA, save the scheduled Confession post.

I'm sinking and I don't know what else to do ...........

the tears wont stop
the pain wont stop

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

sometimes you forget

Last night was a rough night for a couple reasons.

On the home front, Mr BM was acting like a school girl who was back stabbed. Standoffish, snide comments {"Well I guess I am just too stupid to do XYZ" was heard a couple times}, and I swear if his hair was long enough there would have been a flip or two. hair flip Pictures, Images and Photos

Finally I had enough and asked what had crawled up his bum. He was POd that I had shared he whined this past weekend. Seriously??? You are upset because of that? I could have probably shared a lot worse, but I chose to vent on the one thing most of my female readers could relate to. It's not like I am putting our sex life, or lack thereof, (naught for him trying) on here.

What the above ramble brought to light is sometimes you forget how your words can effect others. It also showed me that you sometimes forget (yes it is possible to do so) EVERYONE has feelings. My simple, innocent, vent hurt him. He felt as I was betraying his trust. My rock actually can't take all the abuse thrown at it. It wasn't until I explained to him that if I don't vent, all the little things will add up and I will explode that he calmed down.

The other issue of the evening is I chose to go to a blog I had not read since the beginning of the month. It is the home of many thoughts and feelings of a person who use to be in my life. This is where you go if you really want to know how this person is feeling. It is also the home to many hurt feelings on my part. There was once a post that brought me to tears when I was on a mini-vacation with someone who I thought was my best friend. This post came right out and said I was using this friend - and it was her post that started this whole blog.

Anyways, I digressed yet again. I visited the blog because I know this person is hurting, and I knew that she would post how she honestly was feeling. She did - and now I feel even worse than I did before. Yesterday morning I finally put my thoughts of the last year into maybe 6 sentences and shared them with her. And although she says what I said wasn't new to her, I can't help but feel that with those words I help put her on a path that I was trying to help her avoid. I know many of you are reading this going "WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?!?" but I will not go into more details. Here again is proof that our words can effect others.

Please let us all be aware of what comes out of our mouths and how it makes others feel.

FTR - If you are snarky, I respect that and don't expect you to change. Just be aware of what is said and that some things are better off unsaid.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Click on the post-it note if you want to play along too!

I had a well thought out post just waiting in my head to come out - then *POOF* it was gone. Work was crazy again today (or maybe it was just me). I decided to jump on the band wagon and do a Post-It Note Tuesday.





I also want to add a link to Lee the Hot Flash Queen's Word Verification and No Reply post. Lee made a BSA (blog service announcement) that I think many could benefit from.

I'm all out of energy. Maybe with having the next two days off I can get back to my "roots" and my thought provoking posts.


Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday Rambles & Wisdom

I have had too much coffee
there is a lot on my mind, and work is nuts - so I am opening the new post window and going to add sporadic thoughts!

First and foremost - I need to find a date for the OIO Buckeye Bash! The medical assistant (MA) of the surgeon who hosts this has demanded me to go this year, and I think I just may go. I don't need a date perse, since the Civic Center will be filled with fellow employees and doctors, but that is why I want a date too - I don't want to be a wall flower!! Ok crisis adverted - a couple of the MAs are reserving me a spot at their table! (seriously it is the little things that I worry about!!!!!) {OIO = Orthopaedic Institute of Ohio, which is a HUGE group of Orthopedic Doctors in my area}

I didn't do jack this weekend. Was called off from work both Friday night and Sunday days. Oh, I listened to B whine because he didn't feel well - aawww poor baby. I swear he whined more than Ducky who is cutting her 4 eye teeth and a couple molars all at once. We rented a couple movies - Hotel for Dogs (for Goose, but we all enjoyed) and The Proposal. No carving of the pumpkins commenced due to the whining - he wants to participate - I just want to get it done!

Oh - Kys over at Stir-Fry Awesomeness bestowed another award on me - smooches dear - my award show pales in comparison to yours, but I wanted to get this up ASAP!

I am passing this on to:

Life Laugh Latte

Headaches, Hotflashes, & Hormones

504 Main

21st Century Housewife

actually you all are a great bunch of friends - so don't feel bad if I didn't include you in this short n sweet list! Also Kys you know you are included on this list, I just didn't want to do a tag back!

Ok I am off to see if some yummy parmesan crusted tilapia for lunch will help counteract this caffeine high I am on!

But before I leave I must post my......

Weekly Wisdom

Don't run from your trials.

Everyone faces many trials; however, these trials are not in vain. God uses them to do a work in us, developing us into mature Christians.

In James 1:2-4, we are told, Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. In other words, God uses the tough times in life to sharpen us, making us mature and complete Christians.

Furthermore, God will not permit you to remain in the same trials all of your life; in His proper timing He will deliver you. Psalm 34:17 says, The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.

So don't run from your trials, because the testing of your faith develops you into a mature and complete Christian.


Sunday, October 18, 2009


I wanted to share this video - I can not describe what the song in of itself invokes in me - then to add Polina Seminova's performance - BREATH TAKING


PS - there is some controversy over the lyrics - some say it is "Will you crawl too" and other say "Well You'd crawl too" so I checked it out on Superchick's website and it is the second one - therefore the lyrics shown on the video are incorrect. Still it is a beautiful piece. I hope you all enjoy it.

Honest Stealing

Wow - what an oxymoron for a title (no I did not just call you a moron) But it sums up what I am yakking about today. So sit back and enjoy!!

Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: The ABC's of Meme

A- Advocate for: the underdog

B- Best Feature: Eyes? Sarcasm?

C- Could do without: tv, food

D- Dreams and desires: to be me

E- Essential items: chapstick, bra, jeans

F- Favorite past time: reading, tormenting my family

G- Good at: little, but dabble in lots

H- Have never tried: sushi

I- If I had a million dollars: I would be rich for like 2 seconds, then I would have promptly paid everything off and given the rest away

J- Junkie for: Sweet Tea, Starbucks and anything Peanut Butter

K- Kindred spirit: can be found, but not kept

L- Little known fact: I once starred in a local reality show (edited to add: It was a reality/talk show for teens by teens - ready for the title - Reality Check - and believe me I would never make it in the "Big Time")

M- Memorable moment: giving birth to my two beautiful daughters

N- Never again will I: think I have this thing called life figured out

O- Occasional indulgence: dark chocolate

P- Profession: Queen of Everything - ok, ok - only in my dreams. Peri-Op Coordinator and a Psych Tech for adolescents

Q- Quote: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr Seuss

R- Reason to smile: I'm alive

S- Sorry about: not trusting in myself

T- Things you are worrying about right now: my girls, some people I shouldn't be, if I will make it to the potty

U- Uninterested in: Vampire themed shows, movies, books

V- Very scared of: my shadow

W- Worst habits: sarcasm, jumping to conclusions, not believing in self

Y- Yummiest dessert: Angel Food Cake with fresh strawberries - or Brownies laced with peanut butter

X- X marks my ideal vacation spot: any place where I am surrounded by friends and family

Z- Zodiac sign: cusp of Virgo and Libra

And now for the Honest ....

Holly over at has bestowed upon me an award. And here it is in all it's glory Photobucket

I am honestly beside myself here gals (yes I am assuming the majority of my readers are gals at this point - and I know that assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME).

I'm shocked over how well my rambles have been received out here in blog-world. It has left me speechless, yet again. So I will simply say THANK YOU HOLLY @ 504!

The rules of this award require me to list 10 things you may not know about me. So here goes nothing:

1. I am a perfectionist at heart. You may not know it by looking at my home or even me, but in my head I have a list of how things should be. (or is that just being anal)

2. I do not let many people get close to me emotionally, but when I do I will give you 110%.

3. Despite the tough exterior, I am a hopeless romantic.

4. I will read anything you put in my hands.

5. I tend to use dear, sweetie, love when talking to people, not because I don't know their name, but because I find it lets them know I care.

6. I'm crossing my legs because I refuse to get up until this post is complete.

7. I believe life is all about relationships. My family and friends are everything to me.

8. I secretly covet shoes and purses - if I only had the money to spend on myself.

9. I've colored my hair since I was 27, not because I want to, but because I have to.

10. I'm afraid now that I am gathering a "following" (wow, why does that sound cult like) I will choke and die (is there such a thing as blog fright?)

I would like to pass this award on to:

A Day in the Crazy Life

The Blue Zoo

Life Laugh Latte

and folks, I would post a couple more, but my bladder is about to burst - so without further ado I bid you farewell!


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Makes Me Proud

I found the following about my hometown football team, for once I am proud to say that I was a Panther.

Ohio high school's blind team manager scores touchdown this article is from USA Today

Brown has 'cool' opportunity this one is from the local paper

And now they will be on The Today Show this Sunday at 8 am.

An excellent example of what true teamwork is all about! Way to go Panthers!

Now on to something that doesn't make me proud -

Let me set the scene - one day this week I was in the shower, and as any mom knows, the bathroom isn't a sacred place unless you padlock yourself in. Goose comes in, plops herself down on the toilet and proceeds to have this conversation with me.

G: Mom did the test ever come back on my poop?

M: Yes dear it did.

G: What did it say?

M: Your poop or the test?

G: Mooooom, poop can't talk, the test - duh (such my child)

M: It said that you didn't have any bugs causing you to have diarrhea

G: OH, so me being sad did all that?

M: Yes Goose, you being sad and nervous made you have diarrhea.

G: Well I'm glad I'm not as sad, now I wish you wouldn't be sad. Will we ever see her again mom?

M: Goosey dear, mommy isn't sad because of that - and I highly doubt it dear.

G: OH, well that's not right.

I'm telling you this child, at 5, knows and understands WAY too much. The above conversation was in regards to this.


What with my Friday Confession hopes (which was a flop this week, but I am not giving up) and then doing the Friday Fill-Ins I forgot all about my Faithful Friday Bit - OOPS - so here it is, a day late and a dollar short.

Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant. Galations 1:10, NLT

Do you spend your life trying to please everybody? Paul had to speak harshly to the Christians in Galatia because they were in serious danger. He did not apologize for his straight-forward words, knowing that he could serve Christ faithfully if he allowed the Galatian Christians to remain on the wrong track.
Whose approval are you seeking--others' or God? Pray for the courage to seek God's approval above anyone else's.

(kyslp - this was spurred by one of our emails)

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday Fill-Ins

Click on the picture above to play!

1. So are we going to get this party started?

2. A long evening is what's up ahead.

3. I love to spend time with my girls and take pictures.

4. There has to be an end of some sort.

5. I walk a fine line of insanity.

6. Starbucks is the true elixir of life!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to working tomorrow my plans include sleeping & carving pumpkins and Sunday, I want to not have to work!


Be sure to check out Friday Confessions.

Friday Confessions

After much internal debate and a little poll, I am going to start a Friday Confessional.

My vision of how things will go: I will put a Mr Linky up and those that would like to link to thier site, go for it! You may also just place your confession in the comments if you wish. (Of course comments are welcome anytime.) And then, tons of praise of how wonderful I am will fall down from the heavens (ok, wishful thinking on my part).

Simple as that (so they say - I am sure I just bit off more than I could chew!! Time will tell.)
Spread the word if you like the idea - otherwise all will be for naught!

I must confess:

  • my children were ignored this evening to create this carnival
  • I had diarrhea of the mouth/fingers (oh ok thoughts) with someone that should be out of my life - AGAIN
  • I tried to drown myself in salty liquid until I fell asleep a couple times this week
  • I am afraid that I ran people away from my blog with all my gloom n doom
  • my husband thinks that all "this" (with a wave at the computer/blog) is stupid

Now it is your turn!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

My name is

Slim Shady. My Name is - oh wait that's not right.

I am a woman of many names: mom, momma, mommy, hey you, teddy, darlin, lovey, dear, bitch, whiney bitch, Mary, MJ

However, Mary Jane is the one name that shows on all the legal documents thanks to my parents. I was blessed with being named after my grandmas - Mary Eleanor and Martha Jane.

Even with the teasing I received (uh, uh what were your parents doing, hee hee) I am proud to be Mary Jane. Besides, I just do not see myself as any other combination of those four names. Hey Big Martha, what up? How do you do Eleanor? See none of those seem to fit me. I am a plain Jane (well Mary Jane).

So, thank you mom (and dad) for such a classic, timeless name.

Today's post is brought to you by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. To check her out, click on the lovely picture!

here is a preview of what is to come on Fridays

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wordless Wednesday - peace

*pictures are stolen from a friend - who's friend took them while in Boca Grande - I can only wish to take such breath taking pictures!

Peaceful Place Within

As you all have noticed, I have been struggling the last week or so. Not only have I been dealing with the past stuff, but there have been new additions to my problems. I have managed to alienate myself from my family (parents, sister) also - and if I thought I was lonely before, it is even more apparent now. I want to kick myself in the ass for following my gut reactions, but I was tired of sitting back and watching people get hurt. Instead of fixing that, I hurt myself.

So I went to my Douglas Pagels books and cracked one open to a random page. Here is what I found ....

When life has got you down, remember: it's okay to feel vulnerable. You have a special sense of the truth, and you feel things deeply. Those are truly wonderful qualities to have. What is sometimes perceived as weakness is actually strength. The more you are bothered by something, the more you're empowered to make things right.

One of the things within your power is the ability to set the stage for better days to find you. Put more smiles on your face by discovering more peaceful places within. You know where doubt and pessimism can take you: Don't go there. Stay in a place of honor, and uphold that honor with dignity and love. Bring compassion and faith and courage to that space, and even when you're down, things will be looking up.
Where you are can greatly affect what you are.
The right environment can work wonders.

As I read this, I realized that my plan to pack up and just leave may not be a good one. It's still tempting don't get me wrong. I wouldn't cause heartache and pain to those I care about if I took off. (How ridiculous is it that a 32 yo wants to run away?!?)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I want off

I am TIRED. Simple as that - and how do you explain to someone that it is more than just tired in a physical sense.

Yes I am tired physically. No it's not because my job is a manual one, but because I have a lot of stuff on my plate. I work full time. I have a second job that is a as needed basis. I am contemplating taking a third job as a Pampered Chef Consultant. This third job may just put me over the edge, but I know my limits and would only do catalog and internet sales. Then add on being a mom, wife and a candle stick maker (no not really - just too funny not to put in there). It is no wonder I let my housekeeping go!

Emotionally I am dying over here. My last year has been a roller coaster emotionally and I am ready to get off - have been for awhile now. Yes I brought on a lot of this myself, but when I asked for help to get off it was too late. Unfortunately, my mistakes hurt my girls too, so that guilt is eating away at me too. To see Goose being afraid that her mommy will never come back makes me just want to curl up in a ball and die. It is no wonder that she still sneaks in bed with me EVERY single night.

Then there is the whole marriage thing. I know that marriage is hard work, I have been working hard for 6 years. It has been the last year where I quit trying so hard because I am tired of the fighting. Fighting for what I believe in. Fighting for my needs to be met. I am also tired of having my hopes crushed. Each day I walk in hoping that today is the day that he will follow through with "I'm going to try harder" to be slapped with the cold hard truth of it's not going to happen. Why do I do this to myself?

To top it all off, I still care for people I shouldn't. (see last Monday's post for an example) Why is it I can not let go of these people?!? My friend M keeps reminding me that right now these are people who I do not need in my life right now, but I still keep running myself into a wall trying to make them see I care. It's like a Tom & Jerry or a Wile E Coyote & Road Runner cartoon.

My depression is so much better, but it is still there. However, I put on my happy face when I need to so that people can not see how much I still am suffering. I keep placing my hope and faith in Him so that one day I can get off this train wreck.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Blog Love

As a newbie to the blog world I am still building my must read list.

As a working mom, I only have so many hours in the day to click on this link and that link!

I want to share the Love that was passed on to me from Holly of Life Laugh Latte. Holly has made me speechless, and that is a hard feat to accomplish. The love she has poured my way is something that was totally unexpected. Not only in the awards she presented me, but in her comment love also.

PhotobucketPhotobucket The awards again!

Each award has it’s own rules, but I am going to mix it up, and pass both awards on to one list in effort to conserve time. (that and my resources are limited!)

Baby Spit is the New Black: one of my first mom blogger follows who always seems to have a great deal posted and some funny family antics

Momma Made It Look Easy: yet another mom blogger that I really can not remember how I stumbled upon. However her wittiness and honesty endeared me to her.

Workin It Out: I found this wonderfully honest and fresh jewel through clicking on links at Momma Made It Look Easy. The banter between these two makes you realize how powerful friendship can be. Also, her courage to share her journey makes her number one in my book.

Stir-Fry Awesomeness: This lady rocks. She was the first blogger that ever EMAILED me back a response to a comment love. Want to talk about knowing how to make your readers feel special!

And there you go folks. I was suppose to point you in the direction of a total of 9 blogs. Because of my attention span and time constraints you get the above 4. (If I thought I could get away with a tag-back Holly would so have been rocking these again!) Stop by each one, sit a spell, and enjoy them as much as I do.

Breast Cancer Awareness

It’s that time of year again, when everything becomes a sea of pink ribbons. Try not to become complacent about the symbols, but instead think about the meaning behind them.

Even though technology for early diagnosis & treatment options have come a long way, breast cancer is still very prevalent. Approximately 250,000 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed this year in the U.S. Excluding skin cancer, breast cancer is the most frequently diagnosed cancer among women. Death rates from breast cancer have been decreasing by about 3.3% per year since 1990, due to earlier detection & innovations intreatment options.

One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime, but there are an estimated 2.6million survivors in America today. The 5 yr survival rate for localized breast cancer has increased to 97%! If you are 40 or older, make sure that you get an annual mammogram. Most insurance providers pay for one screening mammogram a year.

Some women, with a family history of pre-menopausal breast cancer, should start at age 30 or 35. Simply beinga woman puts you at risk for developing breast cancer.Most women diagnosed with breast cancer, over 75%,have no family history of the disease.

Remember: Mammograms Save Lives………But, Only If You Get Them!

PS - I have seen men come through surgery with Breast Cancer also. Therefore it is important for them to also notice any changes in their breast area.

PSS - NO, I haven't forgotten about the Blog Love. Yesterday afternoon was spent with my girls and this has been one heck of a Monday morning again!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

what a weekend

Wow what a weekend and Sunday is only half over.

Lets start with Saturday fun. I put on my big girl panties and went as a family to my father-in-laws' house up in Michigan. The 3.5 hour drive was uneventful - thank goodness! (yes we drove a total 7 hours yesterday just to visit 4 hours) I have to be honest and say I took a nerve pill because I was working myself up. But I digress, the day was about the girls and the search for a perfect pumpkin at Grandpas' house.

Now today I have been given some Blog Love in a BIG way. Holly over at Life Laugh Latte bestowed me with not one, but two blog awards. I am speechless. I started this blog just to have a place to put my thoughts down during a time of turmoil and now I have a small family of followers. (and yes I am a dork and think of all you as a family of sorts) I just hope that I don't get blog fright and choke just as I am expanding this family.

Here are the honors:

I know I need to return this bloggy love, and I will, but right this moment I have a 17 mo old that is demanding momma's attention!

Thank you again Holly @ LLL *smooches* and to all you newbies, sit back, pour yourself a drink, and enjoy!

Sunday Stealing: The Magical Mystery Tour Meme

This post is brought to you by Sunday Stealing. Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: The Magical Mystery Tour Meme

1. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? really there are people who wish this?? I may wish someone to grow up, but never fall off the planet

2. How do you flush the toilet in public? Look for an automatic one, if none to be found I hold it until my eyeballs float

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Not like I use to. I need to get back in the habit since it saved my life once

4. Do you have a crush on someone? a 32 yo have a crush?? come on now - NO and even if I did, do you think I would tell you :oP

5. Name one thing you worry about running out of. Hope

6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble? been told Gabrielle Carteris

7. What is your favourite pizza topping? Pepperoni, Mushrooms, and sometimes Banana Peppers

8. Do you crack your knuckles? When extremely POd or bored

9. What song do you hate the most? This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because...This is the song that never ends

10. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? YES darn you

11. What are your super powers? I have eyes in the back of my head

12. Peppermint or spearmint? Neither - Cinnamon

13. Where are your car keys? In the ignition

14. Last song you listened to? A Laurie Birkner song last night on the way home from Michigan

15. What's your most annoying habit? jumping to conclusions

16. Where did you last go on vacation? Disney World - 6 mo pregnant with rude in-laws

17. What is your best physical feature? that would require really looking in the mirror and or liking myself

18. What CD is closest to you right now? Hannah Montana The Movie Soundtrack

19. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator? Milk, Water, Butter (and sometimes they are the only 3 things in there)

20. What superstition do you believe/practice? no real superstitions - although I do believe in spirits

21. What colour are your bed sheets? steal blue

22. Would you rather be a fish or a bird? a fish - LOVE the water & besides I'm scared of heights

23. Last thing you broke? A brush - don't ask

24. What are you having to eat tonight? Pork Loin with stuffing, green beans, baked apples

25. What colour shirt are you wearing? Grey OSU T-shirt

26. If you could be doing anything else today, what would you rather be doing? Walking through the woods

27. Do security cameras make you nervous? why, what have you seen me doing?

28. If you wrote a book about your life, what would the title be? Her Crazy, Beautiful Life

29. Last time you went to a cemetery? January 2009

30. Last concert you went to? a country artist at the fair back in 2000 I think

31. Favourite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert? NO LAUGHING - Hootie and the Blowfish (I SAID NO LAUGHING!!!)

32. Next concert you're planning to attend? none at the moment

33. Do you talk to yourself? it's either that or the wall

34. Have you ever adopted or purchased a pet? sure have - all our pets were rescues. At one point we had 3 cats and 2 dogs. Down to just an insane cat

35. Have you ever been present when an animal is being born? When you grow up in the country you are bound to see one or two

My few and faithful, check back later! I am hoping to post later our Saturday "fun"

Friday, October 9, 2009

Faithful Friday - Comfort

A little late, but better than never!

May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace. Jesus gave his life for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live. All glory to God forever and ever! Amen. Galatians 1:3-5, NLT

Many think that when God comforts us, our troubles should go away. But if that were always so, people would turn to God only out of a desire to be relieved of pain and not out of love for him. We must understand that being comforted can also mean receiving strength, encouragement, and hope to deal with our troubles. The more we suffer, the more comfort God gives us.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, allow God to comfort you. Remember that every trial you endure will help you comfort other people who are suffering similar troubles.

Friday Fill-ins #145

Yeah I'm avoiding doing Stats so here is my Friday Fill-ins. If you are interested in playing too click on the picture above.

1. Sweet dreams are hard to come by when you have a 5 yo who still sleeps in your bed.

2. Looking for time especially for me.

3. Silliness makes me feel young.

4. The girls are going as The Princess and The Pea this Halloween.

5. Outstanding or not my kids are number one to me.

6. This day/week to be over is what I want right now!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a night in with a Redbox Movie, tomorrow my plans include either going to Michigan or meeting for Pizza and Sunday, I want to get all the housework done early so we can relax & have fun as a family!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

My Reflection

Today's post is brought to you by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. To check her out, click on the lovely picture!

Today's assignment was something that really challenged me to be honest. Honest with myself and my readers. I could say that when I look in a mirror I see a 32 year old woman that is happy with her life, herself, or her body - but that would be a lie. The dialogue that goes on in my head when I do face the mirror could fill a notebook. Here is just a snippet of what goes through my head.

When I look in a mirror I see:

  • the fat little girl who cried herself to sleep
  • the lonely child who just wanted to fit in
  • an impostor
  • someone who didn't deserve a second chance
  • a horrible mother

These images are becoming fewer and farther between, allowing me to see glimpses of the beautiful woman everyone tells me I am. When my girls and I are laughing in the bathroom and I look up, I see her. When I have my power suit on, I see her.

Unfortunately, I know that I will always be too hard on myself, but my goal is to be able to see myself in a positive light 9o% of the time. It is assignments like this one that will help me get there. Writing down what you see is an eye opener because when you look in the mirror, you are seeing what your mind wants you to see and as you write you realize just how hard you are on yourself.

Norman Vincent Peale: One of the greatest moments in anybody's developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is.