I took down my last post, then put it back. I don't know what to do with it. It happened. I was sinking. I am sinking. Do I keep it up to broadcast it? Do I take it down and pretend it didn't happen??
I want to share with some of my newbies that may not have read some of my original posts. I suffer from major depression - I will be on some form of medicine the rest of my life. I am okay with that. For the most part the medicine does its job and I am ..... okay. We had to switch my medicine within the last 6 months because, well, I was going through a really rough spot. I had an official diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder. At that time I was hospitalized (which SUCKED because it was at the hospital I work at & I seem to know a lot of people) because I just couldn't cope any more. I took a handful+ of Tylenol PM because I wanted to go to sleep and it all be over with. At that time, I had been on the new medicine about 2 weeks - and if you know anything about medicine, it really wasn't long enough to see full effects. I went into counseling to deal with what caused me to have the adjustment disorder and was released because I am as over that part of my life as I will ever be.
However this morning I admitted to someone how lonely I really am and it brought on a flood of emotions. To know that you can be surrounded by people and be lonely is a horrible feeling. I realized that it had been several months since someone had asked me how I was doing and just as long since I had a hug that wasn't given in hopes of getting some. (sorry B, but it's the truth) I unfortunately didn't have work to distract me since I have been off the last couple days and the feelings and emotions overwhelmed me.
(B if you are reading this, stop right now because you are not going to like reading this)
I feel as though I am stuck. Stuck in a marriage that won't work - not for not trying either. Stuck in a life that is bound to be ...... I don't know what I want to say.
Thank you to the ones who commented and offered support on my sinking post.
PS - The medicine has kicked in - it does it's job - I function, which is the most important thing. I have set up an appointment next week to deal with these emotions I have been repressing.