Monday, November 30, 2009


I won The Mother Load's first Go Green Giveaway!!! *doing the happy dance*  She had everything packaged up all nice and pretty - with a ribbon in her "signature pink" to tie everything up.  She even sent a sweet Thank You Note for participating and helping with the Go Green effort.

Look at all the wonderful things I receieved!!! Three produce bags and the two snack taxis <-- which ROCK!!!  You must go over to Erin's place now and enter her second Go Green Giveaway, you won't be sorry!  Not only will you win some wonderful loot, you will be helping our wonderful Earth and it's resources.


Weekly Wisdom

Nothing steals your joy like thinking, "I will enjoy my life when ..."

It's very tempting to think that happiness will come to me once I get something: "I would be happy if I just had a bigger house, another car, a better job, more money, a different wife, a nicer family, a new TV...." But such thoughts are very deceptive.

In truth, all those things we want actually make us miserable; we fight and quarrel about what we want, and then we're upset when we don't get it (see James 4:1-4). Don't get caught up in things that you want or need. Instead, you should not worry about getting what you need; rest assured your heavenly Father will take care of what you need (see Matthew 6:30-32).

It's foolish to make your enjoyment of life hinge upon anything. There will always be one more thing for you to acquire before you can "enjoy life." The more you have, the more you have to worry about, which makes life that much harder to enjoy.

Instead of expecting possessions or circumstances to give you joy, seek the only source of everlasting joy—Jesus. Jesus says he came to Earth "so that [you] may have the full measure of my joy within [you]" (John 17:13). Similarly, Jesus said, "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete" (John 15:11).  Jesus offers to make our joy complete and to give us the full measure of his joy. Since Jesus is wholly God, His joy is complete and whole joy. That Jesus offers us such joy is astonishing.

Therefore, find your joy in God for in his presence is fullness of joy (see Psalm 16:11). Don't let your joy depend on getting all the things you want because there will always be more things that you don't have, and therefore there will always be more things that will prevent you from enjoying life. Let Jesus be your joy, rather than waiting to enjoy life "when...."

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I don't want to think Sunday - All about MEme

Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: The Tell Me About Yourself Meme

1. When is your birthday?  the cusp of Virgo & Libra (maybe this explains my odd personality!) Sept 23

2. Where were you born?  In an Ohio hospital, barely

3. Where do you live now?  In another hospital, still in Ohio  (well it seems like it at least!)

4. What is your heritage?  Stubborness and Heinz 57

5. Tell us about a weakness.  Believing in people, books, chick flicks, my girls' "I love yous"; little peases, tank yous, toos (Ducky is so stinkin cute and when you say  I love you she says too)

6. What's a goal that you'd like to achieve?  Be all that I can be ;o)

7. What is the most overused internet phrase?  LOL

8. What was your first thought this morning?  Maybe yesterday was a bad dream

9. When do you usually go to bed?  I'm old so between 8 and 10 p

10. Do you smoke? If not, did you ever?  No.  And do you count all the second and third hand smoke I inhaled the first 20 some years of my life as smoking??

11. Do you like your current relationship status?  Married with kids - I wish things were better in the home front

12. Do you (or did you) get along with your parents?  I get along with Dad.  Mom not so much.

13. How often do you drink alcohol?  It use to be socially, I have since learned the relaxing quality of a nightly drink

14. Have you ever tried drugs (that weren't prescribed)?  nope - I am a SQUARE

15. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? If yes, do tell.  If I skinny dipped, it would be Chunky Dunking

16. If given the choice, how would you like to die?  Happy and much older

17. What did you want to be when you grew up?  Still trying to figure that one out

18. Have you ever been dumped?  too many times to list

19. What's on your pizza?  My favorite is Veggie without bell peppers and olives, add banana peppers.  BUT I eat whatever - right now we order Mushroom, Bacon, & Sausage

20. Have you ever shoplifted?  *looking around the corners for the law*  In college a couple times - oh the thrill but then I felt guilty and so I haven't done it since

Thank you for playing this week on Sunday Stealing!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Now Comes The Night

I just finished downloading several Rob Thomas songs and ran across this one - how had I never heard it before???  Love it!

Oh and I downloaded some One Less Reason thanks to HeatherLynn's suggestion - she sent me to listen to A Day to be Alone and I found a new favorite band!  Thanks girl :o)  If you have not checked her out yet, you must.  She is WONDERFUL (shush, you really are) and I am hoping that it will work out for her to take our family Christmas picture this year (she is uber talented at photography - shush again, you are)
One Less Reason - September (It is so hard to pick just one song of theirs to share)

You Will Never Know Why

I was all prepared to share with you why I avoid going to my parents home.  The stress of a Thanksgiving with my mom was enough for me to take a nerve pill before and one while there.  I was going to write about what it is that makes me dread these get togethers, but instead I am trying to process the news I received this morning.

0700 - I knew that something was up because my phone was ringing and it was my parent's number.  Mom has not called this early since I first moved to Delphos when I was 21.  I almost answered the phone "what is wrong mom?" - I should have.  The first thing that crossed my mind was my grandma had passed, but it was not that.  My uncle (mom's brother) was found around 0430 this morning by his son.  This is the second sibling mom has lost unexpectedly within 4 years.  Grandma has had a life of losses (husband in her 40's, a long term boyfriend, a couple really close friends, a daughter and now her son) and I truly think this is what will make her give up.  There is no rhyme or reason to this, it makes you want to ask WHY?  I know my mom is going through the what if's - What if I would have done what mom asked and taken a plate of food to him Thanksgiving, would it have been avoided?  What if I wasn't so resentful of how he took advantage of mom?

I don't know how to help, besides being moral support.  I offered to go and just be there but she refused saying that she would be too busy with grandma.  I know I should go, but part of me just can not handle going just yet.  I don't grieve like some do (well so far, who knows if it were my grandma or one of my parents) I take the news and move on.  I try to remember the good things and then move on.  Maybe it is the healthcare worker in me, I look at it as at least they are not suffering and we will never know why it was planned this way.  And now I am angry at my work.  I thought I knew the answer, but called to double check.  There is not even one day of breavement for an uncle/aunt.  How can a Catholic Hospital not offer at least one day paid so that you can support your family??

Friday, November 27, 2009

I-75 Rivalry

Black Friday is normally a time for super deals and crazy shopper antics. I am not much of a shopper unless it is mid-week, I am kid free and can just wander and people watch. Thanks to my bestie from high school and one of her friends I didn't have to face a day of shopping. (well those crazies decided to go shopping bright and early also, but there was nothing that I wanted bad enough to go!) Instead we braved the 30 degree weather in a football stadium!

Bowling Green State University VS University of Toledo

It's no secret that the battle lines run deep in this storied northwest Ohio rivalry, with numerous connections and confrontations between the two schools over the years. Separated by a mere 20 miles, that's bound to happen and with the three of us being alumnus of one school or another, it was bound to be a great outting!

a thorn between 2 roses (excuse the trple chin of mine!)

Freddy Falcon arrived in style!

Freddy and Freida!

Renee, that is all your Rocket gloves are good for!

Cheerleaders playing nice with each other

BG WON! (like there was ever any doubt)

Post game ice pops out on the field!
(sorry L for cutting you out, it's hard doing self portrait with 3 of us in it!)

I was being my anti-social self and dreading going, but I am so glad that I did!  Despite the rivalry between the schools, us girls had a great time. We set it up so that it will be a yearly tradition.  Now let's see what basketball season will bring ;o)

Thursday, November 26, 2009


I have many things to give thanks for, but for today, I want you all to know just how special each and every one of you are.  I am truly thankful for the love, care, support, and laughs you have provided me.  You have also allowed me to be me - the good, the bad, and the ugly.  If you know me in the real-life you will know that I am shy and reserved, always afraid of being judged, but here I feel as though that I have a group of "friends" who accept me, flaws and all. THANK YOU


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I wanted to take a moment to say:

May your stuffing be tasty

May your turkey be plump,

May your potatoes and gravy

Never have a lump.

May your yams be delicious

and your pies take the prize.

Finally, may your Thanksgiving dinner

Stay off your thighs!

The YUCKY Pickled Egg Recipe: (and I said yucky only because I dislike them.  I am requested to bring them to every get together and at least once or twice a year just for hubby)

1 cup sugar
1 cup vinegar
12 whole cloves
2 12-15 oz cans of beets
1 dozen eggs - hard boiled, peeled

In a large plastic bag or non-staining container with lid, dump 1 can of beets. 
Place the eggs on top of that.
Dump the second can of beets in.
Bring the sugar, vinegar, and cloves just to a boil.
Dump the sugar mixture over everything. Seal the container and let them soak at least 1 day, but 2 to 3 is optimal!
Enjoy (because I don't!!!)

*credit to the lil poem goes to an email - wish I was that talented*

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

More Change - I think

I think I need to take a break dear readers.  If not a break, then I need to reassess my posts.

I have been in a funk - and instead of my usual light-hearted randomness I have been more serious like and I don't know if I like that or not.  So, if I come up missing, I am okay.


It isn't easy being green - or is it!?

The lovely Erin over at The Mother Load is running her first give away, and the loot is FABU!  She has bunches of products that will help us all become Greener, saving our planet's resources.  With this giveaway she has a lovely, reusable, produce bag AND some rocking Snack Taxis!!  (<--- I really really want these!!!!!!!)    Now RUN over to her place (yes run, don't walk, she is worth it!) and check her giveaway out and then the rest of her other wonderful, inspiring posts!

Here are just some of the ways that my family & I are trying to save our wonderful Earth & be green.

*  when packing lunches, we use re-usable containers instead of ziptop bags

*  we have made it a game to see who can find/point out the items we can recycle in the home (which leads to an over flowing recycle bin every two weeks!!)

*  I have made an honest effort to NOT use the plastic grocery bags.  Instead we have purchased several of the re-usable ones - I will never go back to plastic.  These bags are so sturdy and hold SO much more.  (If I happen to forget my bags and I am too lazy or strapped down with kiddos, I make sure to ask for paper and if that is not available, I take the plastic bags to the recycle bin at our Wal-Mart)

* instead of grabbing a styrofoam cup every morning for water and coffee, I have purchased/brought in re-usable water jugs and mugs.

* we use compact fluorescent lightbulbs

*  the thermostat is programable, and I have it set so that it is way cooler during the day and at night and I turned it down/up 2 degrees (depending on season)

*  we RARELY use paper towels.  Even for cleaning I have dedicated rags or old mis-matched socks.

* I use vinegar to clean as much as possible!

* AND NOW I CAN USE THE WONDERFUL PSA ESSENTIALS STAMPER THAT I WON FROM HOLLY @ 504 MAIN (it is going green right, because before I would print my own labels, then end up losing them and printing more and this is WAY too cool for me to lose)

I am sure there are more, but I am running out of time!  Remember - RUN TO ERIN'S PLACE NOW!!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Friend Making Monday & Weekly Wisdom - Thankful

I decided to jump on the Friend Making Monday band wagon!  If you are interested in participating or just want to see other answers click here!

1. Turkey or Ham?  Turkey all the way - ham makes me swell up bigger than a goodyear blimp

2. Favorite side dish. Green Bean Casserole

3. Favorite dessert.  Choc Chip Pecan Pie

4. Black Friday: Are you going or not?  nope - going to BG/UT game.  Should be a good time since I am a BGSU alumni and the friend I am going with is a UT alumni :o)

5. If so, what's on the top of your list?  NA

6. Going out of town or staying close to home?  Going to my parents this year - so not far

7. Hosting or helping?  First time in 5 years, I am not hosting, but making my famous pickled eggs (YUCK) and green bean casserole

8. Name one family tradition at Thanksgiving.  we really don't have any, I have been trying to start one of where we say at least one thing we are thankful for

9. What do you do after dinner?  Visit with family, help clean up

10. What are you most thankful for this year?  being able to celebrate Thanksgiving

Thankfulness depends on what is in your heart, not what is in your hand.

Most people have no trouble finding things to complain about: traffic is slow, gas is too expensive, the weather is bad, prices are too high. Yet in every single situation, that same person also has a lot to be thankful for: he can drive, has a car, has a shelter to be protected from the weather, and has the money to purchase necessary items.

Your circumstances may not be all that great, but wherever you are it is God's will that you give thanks in everything (1 Thessalonians 5:18). As a Christian, that is possible because no matter what your circumstances are, you can always thank God for deliverance through Christ (see 2 Corinthians 2:14; Romans 7:24-25).

Indeed, the Israelites knew that thanksgiving was so important that part of the official duty of the tribe of Levi was to thank God: They were also to stand every morning to thank and praise the Lord (1 Chronicles 23:30). They had heart of thankfulness and were instructed to be thankful regardless of what happened that day.

The psalmist wrote: Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name (Psalm 100:4). Notice that we can't even enter God's gates unless we're thankful.

It certainly is possible to live giving thanks to God the Father for everything (Ephesians 5:20), because thankfulness depends on what is in your heart, not what is in your hand.


I "heart" Rob Thomas - I have ever since Matchbox 20 - and here is one of my favorites of the moments!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Major Depression

I want to preface this post by saying, I actually am holding my own right now.  It could be my attitude has shifted or the bottle of wine I just consumed, who knows.

Vincent van Gogh's 1890 painting At Eternity's Gate

The strongest risk factor for suicide is depression.  In the United States, approximately 3.4% of people with major depression commit suicide, and up to 60% of people who commit suicide have depression or another mood disorder. 

Does anyone else find this fact startling??  I did, until I almost became a part of the percentage. (It is estimated that there are at least 4.5 million survivors in this country.)

Chronic depression can lead to feelings of despair and hopelessness, and a suicide attempt is one way some people choose to express these feelings. Most people who attempt or commit suicide don't really want to die - they just want their pain and suffering to end. A suicide attempt is also not done to gain someone's sympathy, as those that attempt to take their life do it for internal reasons-they simply can't stand the pain they feel emotionally and/or physically. It isn’t to try and get someone to feel bad for them, that's the last thing they would want.

What is even more startling is the fact that, in my mind, I don't know if the suicide ideation will ever go away.  There are days when I am struggling really bad that I have to mentally talk myself out of harming me.  The constant mental chatter going on in my head can be down right scary.  I don't know if every one who is depressed and has had ideation before is like this or not.  However, I do know that each day that I awake I am thankful, because that is one more day that I have been blessed with.

Is it really a Party meme - Sunday Stealing

Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: The Party Mummy Meme

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.     Harry Connick, Jr (he's just 10 yrs older than me!)

2. Where was your first kiss?  In the woods behind my parents home (i think)

3. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? If yes, why?  yes - because he hit me

4. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? When?  Do you count high school chior??

5. What's the first thing you notice about your preferred sex?  eyes - they truly are the window to the soul

6. What really turns you off?  smoking, lying

7. What is your biggest mistake?  believing in someone

8. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?  *hanging head* yes, in more ways than I care to admit

9. Say something totally random about yourself.  my nose is cold!

10. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?  nope, and that is ok

11. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows?  well, duh - I only have two little girls

12. Are you comfortable with your height?  why wouldn't I be?

13. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you?  send me flowers the day of my first ultrasound of the 5 yo that said "And baby makes three"

14. When do you know it's love?  do you ever really know it is

15. What's something that really annoys you?  people who think in black and white

Make it a great one!

Friday, November 20, 2009

NEW & Little Things

I know I did not give a whole lot of time for people to comment on the last post - sorry!

The new URL is up and I am not private as of yet, we will see how things go with the address change.

Thank you for all the concern and support!  I am fine, it was just time for a change.  The Dirty Little Confessions is something I had a feeling was not a keeper in my heart.  And how fitting - Life, Interrupted - because Life does become interrupted and it is all about how you respond to those interruptions.

Have a great Friday.

The ' L I T T L E ' Things~

As you might remember, the head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident.

One of them missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's car wouldn't start.

One couldn't get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning. Took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today..

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone ...

All the little things that annoy me.

I think to myself----,

This is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment..

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong , the children are slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, or you hit every traffic light.

Don't get mad or frustrated; It May be just that God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose.

(sorry for the poor formatting, I am in a hurry!)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Change is coming

I have renamed my blog and most likely will be changing my URL here in the next few days.
The site may become private - leave me a comment so that I can add you to the readers if you really want to follow me.

There will be no more Friday Confessional.

The End

Ps - I'm still debating about the Private thing.

PsS - Does anyone know, if I change my URL and you are following me, you still will see on your dashboard/reader RIGHT!?


Monday, November 16, 2009

Growing Hurts

We want to be spiritually grown, but we don't like growing because growing hurts.

Growing can be painful. For example, some children have "growing pains" because of their rapid growth.

This can also be true spiritually. Specifically, God may stretch you by putting uncomfortable circumstances in your life. Why? He uses the hard times to stretch your faith, your patience, and your love. This stretching is what causes growth: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" (2 Corinthians 4:17).

In other words, God uses the difficult circumstances in your life to cause you to grow closer to Him. If you look back over your life, you'll probably notice that the times you grew the most spiritually were often the times that were the most difficult.

If, however, you fight against the hard circumstances in your life, then you will never fully grow up. So, instead of fighting against life, take the advice of James 1:2-4: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Decide to press on and go through so that your faith may grow. Go through the hard times in life trusting God, and then you will grow to be "mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Masks & Walls

“The thing about having something hidden in your past is that you spend every minute of the future building a wall that makes the monsters harder to see. You convince yourself that the wall is sturdy and thick, and one day, when you wakeup and the horrible thing does not immediately jump into your mind, you give yourself the freedom to pretend that it is well and truly gone. Which only makes it that much more painful when something like it happens again, and you learn the concrete wall is really as transparent as glass and twice as fragile."- Jodi Piccoult in Keeping Faith

As many of you know, I have had a rough 6 or 7 months.  However, the demons I am fighting are not just because of what happened then.  It is a combination of so many things that makes my head swim.

I have had a mask/wall up since I was a teenager, I had to in order to survive.  Part because of the friendship issue I discussed in The Way I Am the other because of the secret.  I think it is time that I put out there what the secret was and why I have built a wall and put a mask in place.

I am a survivor of sexual abuse - I am very lucky that my situation is not as bad as some, but it still is devistating to a young soul.  Especially so when there is proof that things happen, but the person gets "away" with it because "look at her, I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole."

To cope with the above, I had to pretend eveything was okay.  I had make everyone believe that I am strong and can handle anything, where as in reality I am as weak as they come.  I have a hard time processing what really happens and feel as though everything is my fault.

Then add in a marriage that I am not sure is worth saving.  The man has done a lot of changing the last 6 months and I feel horrible that I don't want to let him back in.  I have been hurt so much by him emotionally and a couple times physically, I just put the wall back up.  I am scared to let him back in.

I know I need to leave the past in the past, but it is so hard to do so when you are afraid of hurt and disappointment repeating itself over and over.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

How did she know?

Well she strikes again.  The same coworker/friend that gave me a swift kick managed to do what no one else has been able to do for awhile.

We pass each other several times through out the day since her department is just down the hall from mine.  We always wave, say hi, and if we have time we stop and chit chat.  Well, one day last week she stopped me just as I was going in the door of my department.  Usual pleasantries were exchanged, then she is her blunt self.  "Are you okay?  I mean are you really okay?" and she gave me this look like come on, I know so you better not lie to me.  Damn her.  She brought tears.  She saw through my mask and knew that I am just pretending to be strong and happy.  How did she know!?

There is so much on my mind that I don't know which way to turn.  I should just say fuck it and not think about anything from this point on, but that is easier said than done.  Then I think, why not add more to my plate so that I can forget.  Forget about everything and just pretend that things didn't happen.  Instead, I put my mask back on and plug away and hope one day I can have the peace I pray everyone else has.

Saturday, November 14, 2009


Yep, it's that time again

Sunday Stealing: The Over the Top Meme

Part One - Describe:

Your hair? distaster zone, colored

Your mother? hard worker, giver

Your father? laid back

Your favorite food? make that foods - Peaches, strawberries, pasta, breads

Your dream last night?  never remember them

Your favorite drink? Tea - sweet, peach, plain, hot, cold

Your dream/goal? to survive this thing called life

The room are you in? the middle room

Your hobby? reading, writing

Your fear? letting others down

Your TV? ANNOYING because it is on all the time

Your Pets? dwindling

Friends?  Few, but faithful

Your life? crazy

Your mood? melancholy

If you're missing someone? it is because of my stupidity

Your best friend? is always busy

Part Two - The Where's?

Where do you want to be in 6 years?  Alive and making a difference in my childrens and other people lives

Where were you last night?  relaxing at home

Where did you grow up?  Small town, OHIO

One place that I go to over and over?  does memory lane count?  or how about work?

Your favorite place to eat out?  Texas Roadhouse (damn their rolls!)

Wish list items?  peace, happiness, a maid

Last time you laughed?  today as I was tickling Ducky

Last time you cried?  earlier this week

Part Three - The What's?

Something that you aren't?  beautiful, well put together

Last thing you did?  washed the curtains

What are you wearing?  Jeans and a T-shirt

Something you're not wearing? socks and shoes

Your favorite store?  Target (why oh why must I travel an hour to get to one!!!)

After a day of cleaning and thinking this is all I got -

Friday, November 13, 2009

What do YOU want to confess?

It is that time again folks - I am offering a chance for you to spill the beans, get something off your chest, blah blah blah.  Yep, it's Friday Confessional time!

A housekeeping item:
1. Confessions must NOT contain anything ILLEGAL (ie: a plan for murder, etc)

Post your confession in my comments - whether you are signed into your account or as anon. It would be great if you did this route, if you could at least put the fun Friday Confession Cartoon on your site saying you posted a confession over here (this gets the word out and may just keep me motivated to keep this up!)

This week I must confess:
* Due to pure laziness and being tired we had "breakfast" night twice this week and McD's once

* I bought myself an early Christmas gift - The Euroflex Monster Steam Cleaner and I haven't told the husband yet and it is scheduled to be here today *squealing like a school girl*

* I miss someone way more than I should, yet pretend I don't because everyone says I should hate them

* I have invited several people to my Pampered Chef party and I'm stressing that no one will show

* I have a count down to the OIO Buckeye Bash because I am excited for a night of adult antics, although I do need to find a DD or someone to come pick my butt up if I decide to drink (1 WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now, What do YOU want to confess?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Joneses

Since when have we, as a society, not been happy with what we already have?  It seems as if we all are in a compitetion to see who can be further in debt.  (Yes I know, NOT everyone is in debt, but you would be surprised at all the "rich" who are really using credit cards and not paying them off)

You can not go a day without seeing an advertisement for a "new and improved" product.  I mean come on, seriously, is there much difference between this Swifter and that Swifter?  They dangle new cell phones in front of your nose saying faster, more clear, easier texting. 

New homes are cropping up around every corner taking up more and more land.  Trees are being cut down.  Fields are being turned into lush green yards.  I remember growing up that a new home was only for the elite, and now it seems as if we feel it is our right to have one.

Growing up we made do with what we had.  There were no fancy store bought costumes for Halloween - we went out to the field and dad's closet to make scarecrows or farmers or used a sheet to be a ghost.  Soda was not kept in the home, we drank water, milk and Kool Aid.  (no my children do not drink soda, but they think they should)  We didn't have a room dedicated to all the toys bought, because there were not that many.

Christmas time was special because my parents always made sure that there were TONS of presents under the tree.  I do not know where or how the did it, but they were there.  I remember one year being disappointed because we couldn't afford a "real" cabbage patch doll so I received a homemade one (my first memory of wanting what others had)

What spurred this ramble you may ask. 

I am hosting a Pampered Chef "Wine & Appetizer" Party and as I was cleaning our home up I caught myself asking myself "Is this good enough?"  Our home is one of the original farm houses in the area, surrounded by a brand new subdivision.  It is one of the few homes that still has well water, which means we deal with iron and rust - meaning that our faucets aren't pretty and there may be some stainage that I am unable to Magic Eraser away.  And I actually caught myself thinking, "What would so and so say if they saw this?"  I promptly said to myself "I DONT CARE" because if you are coming to judge my home, then you are not welcome. 

Also, I was making out my list of what I need to get yet for the girls for Christmas and I had a co-worker go THATS ALL!?  Yes that is all - 3 gifts a piece.  Stop and think, Baby Jesus received 3 gifts and it was good enough for him, so why not do the same for my children.

*yes there was no coherent thought process here and you get a cookie if you all followed my thinking

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

What is Holding You Back?

I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.  Philippians 3:12-14, NLT

Paul says that his goal is to know Christ, to be like Christ, and to be all Christ has in mind for him. This goal absorbs all Paul's energy. This is a helpful example for us.

We should not let anything take our eyes off our goal--knowing Christ. With the single-mindedness of an athlete in training, we must lay aside everything harmful and forsake anything that may distract us from being effective Christians. What is holding you back??

For me, the thing that is holding me back is my guilt.  I feel as though I don't deserve the love and grace that is promised me.  Really, does a person who just 6 months ago wanted to end everything deserve it?  I need to overcome this guilt and then I think I may be one paver closer on my journey.

This is something I heard on the radio one day last week and it has been stuck in my head.

The mistakes I've made
That caused pain
I could have done without
All my selfish thoughts
All my pride
The things I hide
You have forgot about

They're all behind you
They'll never find you
They're on the ocean floor
Your sins are forgotten
They're on the bottom
Of the ocean floor

My misdeeds
All my greed
All the things that haunt me now
They're not a pretty sight to see
But they're wiped away
By a mighty wave
A mighty wave, mighty wave

They're all behind you
They'll never find you
They're on the ocean floor
Your sins are forgotten
They're on the bottom
Of the ocean floor

Take them away
To return no more
Take them away
To the ocean floor

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Blog Hop - One Question

Why is it everytime I say Blog Hop I think of this:

The Blog Hop theme this week is "Ask a Question"  meaning I am to ask my lovely readers a question then you all are to respond in my comments.  However, I am having trouble coming up with just one question.  I had even thought about stringing a whole bunch of questions into one.  Instead I decided to be generic and go with the theme of the month:

What are you most thankful for?

* I am thankful every day that I have another chance to be the best mother, wife and employee I can be. (This may sound like a cop out for not choosing just one thing, but given what I went through 6 months ago, each day really is a blessing) 

To participate, follow the instruction given in the link on Mr MckLinky and make today the best it can be.

MckLinky Blog Hop

Monday, November 9, 2009

Monday Rambles & THETA mom


Well it is official, work is flat out crazy.  We have hit the end of the year rush - people trying to have all their elective surgeries completed before the end of the insurance fisical year.  This means that I am on the phone non-stop making sure that our patients have everything they need completed so that we have a smooth and safe surgery department.  I am trying to sweet talk Cardiologist offices into sending me clearance information that they have already sent Surgeons because I can not get it through the office staff heads I need the stress tests and echocardiograms.

What the above rambles mean is if I am lax in posting or commenting, it does not mean I don't "love" you all, it just means I am running my butt off (hhmm too bad not literally!)

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Wowsers, Erin over at The Mother Load  tagged me as a THETA (The True, Authentic) mom.  I am to share five reason why I deserve to be a THETA mom and then tag some more mommy's and challenge them to name their reasons.

I encourage my girls to express thier artistic side as much as possible, although sometimes that can backfire.

Rather than making sure that the home is all nice and neat, I would rather spend quality time with my girls.  This means that laundry never gets put away. and I often times leave the toys out. We also stay in our PJs all day when we can and watch TV probably more than we should.

I carry on the "old" sayings so that my children may one day pass it on to their children also.  I make them lick thier plates clean because there are starving children and I encourage playing in traffic (Note these are not my kids, but they are family - and no one was harmed in this filming)

 I am a stickler for respect and politeness.  Therefore even at 14 months the girls were saying please, thank you, excuse me and calling their caregivers Miss or Mister.  I expect my children to know when to appologize for their behaviors and I encourage them to play with children who are not like them. 

Emotions and feelings are discussed daily.  There is no reason why children should be sheltered from thier own or others.  They need to see how others deal with things and determine what is the right and wrong ways to handle things (unfortunately I am normally a bad example and yell, cry, and pout more than I should.)

I would much rather do without myself than see my girls go with out.  I will put everything I am doing or want on hold so that they can have what they want/desire (well within reason)  Lets just hope that I am never in a car accident or caught with out some pants on ;o)

There you have it folks, my five reasons why I feel I am a THETA mom.  I would like to tag the following moms:  

All right all - I am going to end the torture - I was going to include the wonderful award that Erin also gave me on Sunday and my Weekly Wisdom, but this post is becoming as long as Santa's naughty list!
Make today a great one my friends!

oh, oh, oh - PS - I wanted to share this quote I found:  When things go wrong in your command, start searching for the reason in increasingly larger circles around your own two feet.  Gen Bruce Clarke  (I think that this can apply both in our personal and business lives)

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Meme - Part 2

It has been a busy day - we were out enjoying the Indian Summer.  Well if you call raking leaves and getting blisters enjoyment!  I figured since I did Part 1 last week, I might as well do part 2, so here we go!

Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: The Strange Question Meme, Part 2

26. What color is your watch? don't believe in them

27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”?  down under and wallaby

28. Would you strip for money? HAHAHA NO, although right out of college I had some co-workers ask me to (yeah talk about weird!)

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? with kiddos, drive thru

30. What is your favorite number?  21

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? mom

32. Any plans today? we cleaned up the yard and family time

33. In how many states have you lived? just one

34. Biggest annoyance right now?  blisters on my hands

35. Last song listened to?  I'm Alive by Kenny Chesney w/ Dave Matthews

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? yeppers, I'm slow at it, but sure can

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?  a maid of one - oh wait that would be me

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?  my black boots, altho I would rather be barefoot

39. Are you jealous of anyone?  not any more, I learned it is not worth it

40. Is anyone jealous of you?  I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT

41. Do you love anyone?  of course, my girls

42. Do any of your friends have children?  most of them do

43. What do you usually do during the day?  Mon - Fri deal with whiny Surgeon offices, Anesthesiologist, and OR staff.  Weekends - clean, play with the girls, groc shop

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?  hate is too strong of a word, dislike some actions yes, but hate no

45. Do you use the word hello daily?  every day, esp at work.  Love caller ID cause my fav way to answer for one office is "hello dear" cause I get "well hello darling"

46. What color is your car?  Tan

47. What size wedding ring do you wear?  uummmmm I have no clue!

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?  sure am

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?  yeppers

50. How did you get your worst scar?  cut the bottom of my nose off in a car accident

So there you have it folks, my last 25!  I am off to get supper finished and the girls bathed.

Edited to add this video - Erin reminded me about this and I just had to post it!

Christmas Wish

As I was stalking all my favorite bloggers yesterday, I read the most touching thing over at Rook No 17.  It moved me to the point that part of our family time today will be spent talking about this little boy, whom is the same age as Goose, and then filling out a card to pass along our love.

"Diana Biorkman needs your help in making her son's wish come true. She has a 5 year old son, Noah, in the last stages of a 2.5 year battle with Neuroblastoma Cancer. The family is celebrating Christmas this weekend (11/6) and Noah's request is to get lots of Christmas cards." Please consider sending cards to:

Noah Biorkman
1141 Fountian Viewcircle
South Lyon, MI 48178

Please let this precious child know he is DEEPLY Loved. Fill his mailbox with joy.  It's his Only wish.  Here is a news clip showing the outpouring of love people have shown and how the family is touched by it.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


As I wrote my last post, it was hard for me to say the word friend. What distinguishes between the terms acquaintance, co-worker, friend, and best friend? I use to think that I knew what the answer was, but now a days, I am not so sure.

I do know that when you lose your best friend that a part of you dies, no matter how much you pretend it didn’t. One moment, you had someone to share your biggest triumphs and fatal flaws with; the next minute, you had to keep them bottled in side. One moment, you’d start to call her to tell her a snippet of news or vent about your awful day before realizing you did not have that right anymore; the next you didn’t even know her phone number. And it hurts, badly. When you have a bond with someone and to suddenly feel as if it was all pulled out from underneath you hurts. Who do you turn to? Who do you trust?

I am afraid to let anyone in my life again. I have put a wall up so high that I don’t even know if I can climb over it. I have put a mask in place that allows most to think that I am okay. There are days I even fool myself into believing I am okay. I have to be, I have to be the strong one, for Goose’s sake. It is not fair to her to have a mom that is depressed, especially when she is hurting too.

We Don't Know Why

One of my coworkers friends received an honor entitled "Legend of  St Rita's" this week.  Legends are people that truly show the hospital's Core Values in action  {Compassion, Excellence, Human Dignity, Justice, Sacredness of Life, & Service} and I can not think of anyone more deserving of this honor than she.

When I learned that she had received this award, I immediately texted her to tell her that she "so deserved it."  Her response "WAY OVERWHELMED!!! Thanks so much.  It is friends like you that make my life so rich.  luv ya."

That next to last statement made me start thinking.  Had I not lost a best friend, I may never have gained this wonderful, inspiring friend.  She is the type of person who you walk away from wishing you could be like her.  She is absolutely genuine in everything she does, and it exudes from her.  I remember that she was the first person I honestly told how bad I was struggling 6 months ago.  She was the first person that had asked me how I was doing, that I felt honestly cared and wanted to know.  I am blessed to have her in my life, and had I not been mourning the loss of one friendship, I would have never gained another.

We do not understand why things happen the way they do and when they do, but we must remember that there is a reason, there is a plan.  I am reminded of a post from June, where I shared words of wisdom.  The very first wisdom was from this same friend, and I would like to share it with you again.

"Dear Lord, Help me to trust in You when life doesn't make any sense. To know that You love me unconditionally and are always there to carry my burdens. Remind me to seek You first when trials and challenges come my way, and to recognize Your faithfulness and goodness throughout my journey in life. Amen" 


Friday, November 6, 2009

Faithful Friday - Freedom

Is there a conflict, then, between God's law and God's promises? Absolutely not! If the law could give us new life, we could be made right with God by obeying it. But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God's promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ.   Galatians 3:21-22, NLT

Before faith in Christ delivered us, we were imprisoned by sin, beaten down by past mistakes, and choked by desires that we knew were wrong. God knew we were sin's prisoners, but he provided a way of escape--faith in Jesus Christ

Without Christ, everyone is held in sin's grasp, and only those who place their faith in Christ ever get out of it. Look to Christ--he is reaching out to set you free.

The Friday Confessional

Week 4 of The Friday Confessional - I love the idea people, but if we are going to make it worthwhile we need to get it out there in bloggy world.  I suck at "advertising" myself because I tend to be the one who doesn't want to be seen. <-- that is sort of funny if you think about it, because isn't a blog sort of like saying look at me, look at me!?

If you like the idea of the confessional, please play along. If you have any suggestions, PLEASE let me know. I am all about constructive criticism!

A housekeeping item:
1. Confessions must NOT contain anything ILLEGAL (ie: murder)

Post your confession in my comments - whether you are signed into your account or as anon. It would be great if you did this route, if you could at least put the fun Friday Confession Cartoon on your site saying you posted a confession over here (this gets the word out and may just keep me motivated to keep this up!)


Create a post on your site displaying the lovely Friday Confession Cartoon, link back to here, and sign in with Mr Linky (just for jodikris over at Workin It Out!)

This week I need to confess:
*  I have ate so much of the candy from Halloween, I am bloated and miserable and probably have gained 5 pounds
*  I have thought about moving into the spare bedroom (I have not step foot in this room for 6 mo)
*  I feel horrible for the above thought
*  I have used the computer to avoid my husband this week
*  I hate that I have moved away from my moving, thought provoking posts.

Now what do YOU want to confess??

Thursday, November 5, 2009

My Sleepless Nights

Today's post is brought to you by Mama Kat's Writing Workshop - but I am going to cheat be creative and use pictures today - sshhhh don't tell please!

Prompt # 3 please - 10 reasons why you can't sleep at night in no particular order .....

Thank you for stopping by!  Be sure to come back on Friday for the Friday Confessions!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Irrational Thoughts

Irrational thoughts occasionally occur in the minds of all people. Intelligence does not make someone immune to irrational thought. These thoughts typically clutter our minds with feelings of resentment and distaste. Sometimes they are based on internal defense mechanisms we develop to mitigate personal anger in an attempt to avoid facing the truth about ourselves or our immediate circumstances. If someone imposes stringent expectations related to a stressful issue on themselves or their close companions, irrational thought is likely to set in, and all parties involved will probably experience needless emotional grief.

Passionate perceptions of an event made by someone in distress can seem crazy from a third party perspective. This craziness is simply the sum of stress and irrational thought. These thoughts allow the distressed party to remain the victim while avoiding all situational responsibility. One must learn to break this momentary negative thought process in order to achieve continuous stability in their life and in their relationships.

Here are 10 irrational thoughts that rational people often fall victim to at one point or another:

  1. Mistakes are never acceptable. If I make one, it means that I am incompetent.
  2. When somebody disagrees with me, it is a personal attack against me.
  3. To be content in life, I must be liked by all people.
  4. My true value as an individual depends on what others think of me.
  5. If I am not involved in an intimate relationship, I am completely alone.
  6. There is no grey area. Success is black and failure is white.
  7. Nothing ever turns out the way you want it to.
  8. If the outcome was not perfect, it was a complete failure.
  9. I am in absolute control of my life. If something bad happens, it is my fault.
  10. The past always repeats itself. If it was true then, it must be true now.

Your life will be more productive if you learn to avoid this type of negative thinking as hard as that may be. I know I still struggle with some of these thoughts and have to counteract them with positive self talk.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Post-It Note Tuesday - The Work Addition

I am in "love" with this idea - click on the post-it above to play!