I want to preface this post by saying, I actually am holding my own right now. It could be my attitude has shifted or the bottle of wine I just consumed, who knows.
Vincent van Gogh's 1890 painting At Eternity's Gate
The strongest risk factor for suicide is depression. In the United States, approximately 3.4% of people with major depression commit suicide, and up to 60% of people who commit suicide have depression or another mood disorder.
Does anyone else find this fact startling?? I did, until I almost became a part of the percentage. (It is estimated that there are at least 4.5 million survivors in this country.)
Chronic depression can lead to feelings of despair and hopelessness, and a suicide attempt is one way some people choose to express these feelings. Most people who attempt or commit suicide don't really want to die - they just want their pain and suffering to end. A suicide attempt is also not done to gain someone's sympathy, as those that attempt to take their life do it for internal reasons-they simply can't stand the pain they feel emotionally and/or physically. It isn’t to try and get someone to feel bad for them, that's the last thing they would want.
What is even more startling is the fact that, in my mind, I don't know if the suicide ideation will ever go away. There are days when I am struggling really bad that I have to mentally talk myself out of harming me. The constant mental chatter going on in my head can be down right scary. I don't know if every one who is depressed and has had ideation before is like this or not. However, I do know that each day that I awake I am thankful, because that is one more day that I have been blessed with.