Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Peaceful Place Within

As you all have noticed, I have been struggling the last week or so. Not only have I been dealing with the past stuff, but there have been new additions to my problems. I have managed to alienate myself from my family (parents, sister) also - and if I thought I was lonely before, it is even more apparent now. I want to kick myself in the ass for following my gut reactions, but I was tired of sitting back and watching people get hurt. Instead of fixing that, I hurt myself.

So I went to my Douglas Pagels books and cracked one open to a random page. Here is what I found ....

When life has got you down, remember: it's okay to feel vulnerable. You have a special sense of the truth, and you feel things deeply. Those are truly wonderful qualities to have. What is sometimes perceived as weakness is actually strength. The more you are bothered by something, the more you're empowered to make things right.

One of the things within your power is the ability to set the stage for better days to find you. Put more smiles on your face by discovering more peaceful places within. You know where doubt and pessimism can take you: Don't go there. Stay in a place of honor, and uphold that honor with dignity and love. Bring compassion and faith and courage to that space, and even when you're down, things will be looking up.
Where you are can greatly affect what you are.
The right environment can work wonders.

As I read this, I realized that my plan to pack up and just leave may not be a good one. It's still tempting don't get me wrong. I wouldn't cause heartache and pain to those I care about if I took off. (How ridiculous is it that a 32 yo wants to run away?!?)


Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Not so ridiculous. Been there and came close to doing it.

Charisse and Holly said...

Just want you to know that we hear you. Even if I have to say that everyday...I really mean it. If nothing else you get the chance to say what you really feel and know you are heard.

MJ said...

and this is why I <3 you girls - I am hoping that I am going to be back on the saddle soon. One would think that you would run out of gloom and tears eventually!

Heather said...

Not ridiculous. Some of us are just that way. Whenever I'm struggling my first instinct is to run far away. Realistically I can't do that, though, so I run to the coast just for the day. The ocean soothes me. You just need a happy place.