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yea that sums up what is going thru my head right now

What I'm Missing

I miss having the perfect spot to reflect.

There is something about being able to sit in a swing and just think.  It's almost like the motion helps clarify what is running through my brain at 200 MPH.  I don't think I could do rocket science, but I could help create world peace ;o)

The other day as I was sitting on a friend's front porch the longing for a swing came back.  I need to find a freestanding one since I don't even have a front porch :o(   Maybe it will help create a calm in my life that is desperately needed.  I can see it now, sitting out front watching the world go by & enjoying a book while the girls are out back playing on the swingset or romping in the grass with Jedi.  Yes, a swing is a must have!

Where is your place of sernity?

Betty Crocker Moment

thanks Google for the image

The other night I don't know what came over me, but I had an intense desire to bake.  I didn't want anything sweet - I was craving a comfort food (in my case it always involves carbs!).  I spied 4 ripe banana's on the counter & knew just what I was going to make.  Yup, Banana Nut Bread - sans nuts since I have 3 very picky eaters.

Here is the recipe that I enjoy:

8 Tbsp (1 stick) Butter at room temp (I used real, salted butter)

3/4 cup Sugar

2 Eggs

1 cup All Purpose Flour (I used 3/4 cup)

1 tsp Baking Soda

1/2 tsp Salt

1 cup Whole Wheat Flour (I used 1 1/4 cups)

3 large ripe bananas, mashed

1 tsp Vanilla

1/2 cup shelled Walnuts, coarsely chopped

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees & grease a 9x5x3 bread pan.

2.  Cream butter & sugar until light & fluffy.  Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.

3.  Sift all purpose flour, baking soda & salt together.  Stir in whole wheat flour & add to creamed mixture, mixing well. (I also add in a few spices at this point)

4.  Fold in bananas, vanilla, & walnuts.

5.  Pour mixture into pan.  Bake 50 to 60 minutes or cake tester comes out clean.  Cool in pan for 10 minutes.

Makes ONE loaf. 

There is nothing like the smell of homemade anything baking.  It also makes me feel like I am providing for my family in one of the most simple ways - through love & their stomaches :o)

What is one of your comfort foods??

Why Can't I?

The other day as I was sitting on a friend's front porch I realized something.  My issue is not that I don't have people who want to be friends/friendly, it's that I don't know how to carry on a normal conversation.  They start talking and I give one word answers & don't expand on the topic.

Point in case, we had just finished having the pink redone on my Celtic Motherhood Knot, when a friend of the friend stopped by.  He asked "Oh, what did you have done??"  Instead of going into details of what it is & what it means to me - I showed him the tat & then proceeded to turn around sit down and smile like a dumbass.

thanks to google for the image

What is wrong with me??  Why can't I take a normal conversation starter & go with it??

Oh, and don't think that this is an isolated incident.  It happens ALL.THE.TIME.

What can I do to overcome this??  Have any of you had problems with this?

Weekly Wisdom - Life is too short

Life is too short to spend it hating.

In Leviticus 19:17, God warns us against hating others: "Do not hate your brother in your heart." Interestingly, that verse shows us that hate isn't just an action; it is also an attitude of the heart. Many times we hate someone in our heart, yet pretend to like them. However, hating someone in your heart is nonetheless hate -- and thus despised by God.



Although it sounds harsh, 1 John 3:15 says that anyone who hates his brother is a murderer. Indeed, as far as your heart is concerned, to hate is to murder. In other words, hating someone is no different than murdering them in your hearts.



If you hate someone, you'll be thinking negatively about them, slandering them (if not verbally, at least in your heart), and cutting them down with your thoughts and words. Thus, it is no surprise that God sternly warns us not to hate others, because life is too short to spend it hating.

It's Amazing

what a special delivery can do to brighten your day.  Especially when it was a really long & busy one.

About 330 I received a call from one of the registration girls asking me if I wanted to come visit her real quick.  I was like, ummm why??  Someone is here with a delivery for you, do you want her to leave it or for me to direct her to you.  I told her to just have it left there & that I would be right over.

What did I find??

with a card that said:

Beautiful flowers for a

beautiful lady

of course it was unsigned, but I knew instantly who sent them.

There is only a very select few that knows I *heart* daisies, and only one who made the mistake of sending me roses once.  B is trying to re-woo me I do believe.

It defintely brought a smile to my face today :o)

Should I Be . . .

hurt? glad? relieved?

Monday marked my first full day in my new closet, err office I mean.  I have been more productive these last 3 days than I have in months.  Altho my office is in need of some MJ touches because it is full of electrical gadgets & my desk.

see & you all thought I was kidding!!!!

The issue is that I don't know how to feel about the "area" I moved from.  I wanted out because I couldn't stand all the negativity the girls have about our place of employment.  I am thankful to have a job & any of the extras are just that extras, I don't expect more.  I respect my superiors because last I knew that is what you are suppose to do.  I may not agree 100% with things, and I let it be known, but I don't bad mouth them for it. 

Since I have moved, due to addition of more nurses, I have noticed that they are spending alot more time together as a group.  We NEVER use to go to lunch together, and now they are.  They NEVER use to take breaks together, now they are.  You see a trend??  Are they celebrating me moving out of the area???  Do they just have some extra time that allows them to do this? 

Honestly, I don't mind because I am LOVING the peace and quiet my office brings - but I couldn't help the thoughts that ran through my head when I noticed this.

Peace & Pandora
MJ

Dog Days

We have been tossing around about getting another dog.  I *heart* boxers and would love to have another one but I also want to "rescue" or take in one that needs a new home.  We have been watching Craigslist & Angels for Animals to see if we could find a pooch we all could love.  I thought we had found a BEAUTIFUL boxer thru Angels,   but she went to a wonderful home in Indiana.

Saturday I thought what the hey lets look one more time at Craigslist

This was posted just minutes prior to my arrival:

Boston Bulldog

6 mo male

loves kids

crate trained

on his way to being housebroken

and then this picture:

How could you NOT fall in love with that face!!!

I tried calling B, but no answer.  I hmm'd haw'd around for 5 minutes and then decided I didn't care what he thought, if we were to get this dog I need to call NOW.  RING * RING * RING * RING CRAP he's already received a call on him, but me being hopeful left a message.

10 minutes later the guy calls me saying that yeah he was talking with a girl from Findlay and that she wasn't sure & wanted more pictures.  He went ahead and answered my questions (#1 WHY are you rehoming him? because he was their SEVENTH dog!!!!) and we talked for 20 minutes about him & dogs in general.  He offered me their little chihuahua Libby if we really were interested in a dog because he could tell I was a good person & knew I would give her a good home.  I told him I would talk it over with B during supper with my parents.  Well on the way to Ottawa I got the best news EVER.  The girl from Findlay called and said that she was too busy to come and that if he was still available when she could come down she would take him.  The guy decided that she really didn't want the cutie and wanted to offer him to me!!

This is were I admit I was crazy, but I took lessons from HL ;o)   I went by myself, 40 min south, to a stranger's house to meet this lil guy. And it was love at first site (of coures I loved all of the dogs they had .... a cancer ridden pit bull *ssooo sweet*, 2 English Bulldogs, 2 Boston Terriers, the chihuahua, & of course the Boston Bulldog)

An hour after arriving at their home I decided it was time to go

and of course he came with me!!!

Introducing the newest member of the family

Jedi :o)

Over

I am able to say that it's over - and I couldn't be more at peace right now with the situation from a year ago than I am right now.   The person I thought was a wonderful friend wasn't meant to be mine, and you know what I'm okay with that.  I have enough crap to deal with & don't need hers.

Now to face everything else going on in my life!

I don't want to do grown up stuff

so instead I'm doing the Sunday Stealing: The Me Me Meme

1. Never in my life have I been:  to California

2. The one person who can drive me nuts is: myself

3. High school was: torture, but I would go back

4. When I’m nervous I:  rock, talk fast, & stutter

5. The last song I listened to was:  I Heart ? - Taylor Swift ... oh wait Theory of a Deadman "Not Meant to Be" just came on - I **HEART** this song

6. If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: Renee

7. My hair is:  growing on me

8. When I was 5:  my brother fed me some "special" chocolate covered raisins - that weren't really raisins

9. Last Christmas:  was enjoyable thanks to the girls!

10. I should be..: cleaning, balancing the checkbook . . .

11. When I look down I see:  the new puppy & our wonderful, original hardwood floors

12. The happiest recent event was: every day is a happy event :o)

13. If I were a character on 'Friend' I would be: Pheobe

14. By this time next year:  I still won't have decided what I want to go back to school for

15. My current gripe is:  that there is a double standard

16. I have a hard time understanding: why some don't have common sense

17. There’s this girl I know that: is really confused as to what she wants out of life

18. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be:  Renee

19. Take my advice: your happiness is only up to you

20. The thing I want to buy: a new fridge

21. If you visited the place I was born: you would see corn fields

22. I plan to visit: I don't really plan to visit anywhere BIG right now, but going to KY in July with the girls & going to do a day trip to Nashville while down there

23. If you spent the night at my house: you would see just how crazy my life is & I would prob wait on you hand and foot

24. I’d stop my wedding if: someone was sick

25. The world could do without: judgement

26. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:  uummm I wouldnt

27. Most recent thing I’ve bought myself:  capris

28. Most recent thing someone else bought me: supper

29. My favorite blonde is: Renee ;o)

30. My favorite brunette is:  a warm amber one (LOL yes I know that they were looking for names of famous)

31. My favorite red head is:  HeatherLynn of course

32. My middle name is:  Jane

33. In the morning I:  run around like a chicken with it's head cut off

34. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are:  uumm none - and there are no "tripping" experiences to say something crazy like Elephants

35. Once, at a bar: in Canada I passed out sitting on the toliet

36. Last night I was:  at some stranger's house for an hour and lived to tell about it

37. There’s this guy I know who:  is worse than me with the innuedos

38. If I was an animal I’d be:  a tiger

39. A better name for me would be: a pain in the ass

40. Tomorrow I am: going to enjoy having a closet, err office, all to myself

41. Tonight I am:  going to have family game night

42. My birthday is:  just another day

i don't know what to title this

first off - welcome to the new followers!! I am soo sorry I haven't responded to your comments yet.  It has been a crazy week in my household - I hope you enjoy your visits & that you stick around.

crazy week is an understatement.  Work is busy for this time of the year - not that I am complaining.  The other day though I had one of the anesthesia docs call me & use his "stearn" voice with me.  I supposedly didn't do my job, well I did but he was uber cranky as was the surgeon.  An older, sick, guy was having some hardware removed from his mouth & when I talked with the surgeon's staff I told her I had labs & ekg from X date and that I would need new history & physical and orders.  Well they also ran new labs (which I didn't know) & the surgeon was PO'd that they weren't on the chart.  He got in the anes doc's face, which is why he called me.  Of couse I got mouthy with the anes doc because I did all I could do - I asked him where I was suppose to pull this crap out of & if he wanted to get me a crystal ball!?

Then my "free" time this week was spent on the phone making sure that everything was lined up for the office move.  This morning I arrived at work 15 min early to find my desk in pieces out side of my new closet office & my computer and phone were disconnected & thrown to the side in the old "office"  I hooked up the phone so I could at least answer incoming calls - good thing too since there were a few more than usual this morning.  We had a company come in & make sure that my existing desk would fit in the closet, along with a 3 drawer file cabinet.  When the guys were setting up the desk I get a "Mary come here & look at this". Yeah everything fit, but there was no way I could open the drawers.  ugh  So back to the drawing board I went - trying to figure out how I was going to get my phone, computer, printer, & 2 faxes in this place without things to set them on.  In the end it all worked out & thanks to a wonderful biomed I was up and fully functional by 1pm!

(my highlight of Wednesday - my new chair, sooo comfy)

Today was an awesome day for compliments.  I did Friday casual since I knew I was moving - really nice pair of jeans & a sweater with my boots.  I think I received more compliments on this outfit than I received my whole life.  Then they were also saying how the loved the hair - which is disaster since last weekend I went for a "trim" and ended up with it all cut off but the front pieces.  I came home & promptly cut 2 inches off the front because it just looked stupid.  Oh and one of the people saying they liked my sweater was another anesthesia doc that is normally not so nice (we have a major love HATE relationship, heavy on the hate)

Then to top off the night, I get a text from someone that I haven't talked to in months. 

"did you need something this morning?"  uummm what are talking about

"you called at 601"  crap. B was going thru my phone while I was in the shower & hit send on a msg I had saved when a whole shitload of crap was going on. 

I called him on it & now I am in the wrong for being upset. UGH

Me at My Worst

One of my favorite bloggers started providing writing prompts last week & I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn't get a chance to participate.  However, I made up my mind there was NO way I was going to miss it this week.  If you do not already read Tattoos and Teething Rings you really have no clue what you are missing.  Nicole is a down to earth mom of two & wife of a guitarist who tours a couple times a year with the band. Now scoot - get on over there and check her out!!

2) Write about your worst personality trait or bad habit. Be honest; none of this "My worst habit is that I'm so kind to everyone...blah blah blah." Time to fess up! (And, since you are aware of this bad habit or trait, is there a reason you haven't changed?)

Oh crap Nicole - do you realize you opened a can of worms with this one?!?

I could choose to write about this:

OR this

OR A NUMBER OF ANY OTHER BAD HABITS

Honestly, my jumping to conclusions has improved greatly over the last year.  Yeah sometimes I find myself jumping from lily pad to lily pad, but I can quickly stop myself - so I guess the first choice isn't the one.

REACTING BEFORE THINKING
yep I admit it, I react before thinking things through more often than not (ie: knee jerk responses).  It has to be one of the worst habits I have.   This response isn't to everything that happens in my life, but in things that I have emotionally attached myself to or if I feel like I am being attacked.  Case in point, I had someone tell me that they hadn't been honest with me like they promised.  I felt violated & hurt and I let it be known - afterwards I regretted the way I worded some things.  But as soon as I heard that, I went on the defense.
I don't mean to have these responses - I HATE that I do.  I wish that there was a magical switch that I could turn that part of my brain off, alas there is not.  However, when I feel my hackles start to raise, I do try some breathing exercises to slow down the adrenaline rush so that I am less likely to "call it as I see it".  It's better, but a long way from being fixed.  I'm sure it will take many years to correct itself seing as how it has had 32 years to develop

East to West

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. Psalm 103:12, NLT

image from Google Images

East and west can never meet. This is a symbolic portrait of God’s forgiveness—when he forgives our sin, he separates it from us and doesn’t even remember it. We need never wallow in the past, for God forgives and forgets. We tend to dredge up the ugly past, but God has wiped our record clean.

If we are to follow God, we must model his forgiveness. When we forgive another, we must also forget the sin. Otherwise, we have not truly forgiven.