Saturday, July 18, 2009

On My Mind

yeah, I know I said I wouldn't use this as a personal journal, but hey what else is a blog - and I have alot I need to write down.

I am trying to deal with being judged because I did what I thought was best at the time. I did what I thought I needed to do based on the circumstances. The things I was told, the things that were done, all factored in as to what was done. I readily admit I did wrong and tried to make right, but by then the damage was done and I had ruined everyone's lives. And now someone else is doing what they think is right for the circumstances. I understand where they are coming from, I understand why they are doing it. I wouldn't ask them to not to BUT do not judge me for you are doing the same as what I did. Wrong or right, you will protect this person to the best of your ability just as I did.

Over the last year I have also learned that those we trust hurt us just as much if not more than those we don't trust. I am ready to retreat into myself and not let anyone in because my heart and soul was ripped to shreds. I am slowly trying to patch it back up, but it will never be the same. I will never let my guard down again.

I need to learn how to be a friend. How to carry on a conversation. How to have fun. I feel as if I was robbed of this crucial part of life because of having to grow up too quick. I need to learn quickly too because I don't want my girls going thru the same as me.

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