Sunday, December 20, 2009

can not stop



Since meeting HL yesterday I have been doing ssooo much thinking and reflecting on the past  year.  I have made SO many mistakes and hurt so many people ~ not intentionally as everyone thinks I did, but it happened.  (after re-reading this NO HL did not cause me to cry or think or reflect, it just worked out that way)

I can not get past the fact that I hurt people.  I am one that hates hurting, and never really wants to see anyone else hurt.  But because of my selfishness and downward spiral I tried to pull others down with me.  How could I do that??   WHY would I do that???

Then I start to think about other things.  How can someone say they care, then just walk out of your life like you mean nothing to them?  Why was I chosen to go through this crap?  Am I going to survive this or is my mask of confidence going to crack any second??  (well der, the mask must have broke if I'm crying, or maybe it is just trying to wash itself off)

6 comments:

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

I know it's cliche, but it's true that every tough thing you go through makes you stronger...or kills you, but you're still alive, right? You will be OK- better than that, you will be happy someday. And as for hurting people, we've all done it, intentionally or not. All we can do is own up to our mistakes, apologize and let it go.

HeatherLynn said...

I agree with Tattoos...mistakes are not mistakes..they are building blocks to our foundation....

I'm sorry to hear that after your departure from me yesterday you found yourself in such a whole of despair...but sometimes, you just gotta let all that stuff come pouring out your eyeballs in order to let it go. Let those tears pour down your face..taking with them the things you never said, the things you wished you had...and let them drip to the floor and out of your head....

regret is no way to live life, just choose that no matter what's been done, no matter what's been said, tomorrow, vow to start anew. Tomorrow IS a new day...and it's never to late to make a fresh start.

one day at a time dear, one day at a time.

~hl~
{www.hoscorners.blogspot.com}

JennyMac said...

Not to be redundant but I agree with both of the comments above. Mistakes shape us and help guide our course. No one is perfect. All we can do is learn. I heard a saying once that from every situation you can walk away bitter, or walk away better. Its a choice.

Sending positive thoughts.

Tami G said...

GIRL - I can NOT believe I missed this post......
I have another one that I will post soon about downward spirals and what they do to me.....
usually just a day and it ties in to my post today about tears...

much love darlin!
Cry it out and it will cleanse you!

Tami G

kys said...

I agree with everyone else. Mistakes happen. A good cry can be very cathartic.

Erin said...

I try to remind myself that each day is just that--a day. When it's done, I can BE DONE with it, leave it behind (but not always easy for me). We have to learn from our mistakes to grow. And crying? SHeesh. I've been a total basket case lately. I think it's worse to hold things in....