There is so much I want to post, but won't in fear of the retaliation when it is read. I am full of why's and what now. I am full of guilt for my decisions in the past. I don't know what my next step should be - I don't think I can make it on my own, but things can not continue this way; not for the girls sake. This is why I have said that it would be easier if I just disappeared. Yes Goose would be upset, but she would soon settle down and maybe be even more stable. Ducky, well she is young enough she wouldn't know the difference. But my heart would break because those girls are my everything. They are what keeps me here, for the fear of losing them makes me weep.