Dog Days

We have been tossing around about getting another dog.  I *heart* boxers and would love to have another one but I also want to "rescue" or take in one that needs a new home.  We have been watching Craigslist & Angels for Animals to see if we could find a pooch we all could love.  I thought we had found a BEAUTIFUL boxer thru Angels,   but she went to a wonderful home in Indiana.

Saturday I thought what the hey lets look one more time at Craigslist

This was posted just minutes prior to my arrival:

Boston Bulldog

6 mo male

loves kids

crate trained

on his way to being housebroken

and then this picture:

How could you NOT fall in love with that face!!!

I tried calling B, but no answer.  I hmm'd haw'd around for 5 minutes and then decided I didn't care what he thought, if we were to get this dog I need to call NOW.  RING * RING * RING * RING CRAP he's already received a call on him, but me being hopeful left a message.

10 minutes later the guy calls me saying that yeah he was talking with a girl from Findlay and that she wasn't sure & wanted more pictures.  He went ahead and answered my questions (#1 WHY are you rehoming him? because he was their SEVENTH dog!!!!) and we talked for 20 minutes about him & dogs in general.  He offered me their little chihuahua Libby if we really were interested in a dog because he could tell I was a good person & knew I would give her a good home.  I told him I would talk it over with B during supper with my parents.  Well on the way to Ottawa I got the best news EVER.  The girl from Findlay called and said that she was too busy to come and that if he was still available when she could come down she would take him.  The guy decided that she really didn't want the cutie and wanted to offer him to me!!

This is were I admit I was crazy, but I took lessons from HL ;o)   I went by myself, 40 min south, to a stranger's house to meet this lil guy. And it was love at first site (of coures I loved all of the dogs they had .... a cancer ridden pit bull *ssooo sweet*, 2 English Bulldogs, 2 Boston Terriers, the chihuahua, & of course the Boston Bulldog)

An hour after arriving at their home I decided it was time to go

and of course he came with me!!!

Introducing the newest member of the family

Jedi :o)

Over

I am able to say that it's over - and I couldn't be more at peace right now with the situation from a year ago than I am right now.   The person I thought was a wonderful friend wasn't meant to be mine, and you know what I'm okay with that.  I have enough crap to deal with & don't need hers.

Now to face everything else going on in my life!

I don't want to do grown up stuff

so instead I'm doing the Sunday Stealing: The Me Me Meme

1. Never in my life have I been:  to California

2. The one person who can drive me nuts is: myself

3. High school was: torture, but I would go back

4. When I’m nervous I:  rock, talk fast, & stutter

5. The last song I listened to was:  I Heart ? - Taylor Swift ... oh wait Theory of a Deadman "Not Meant to Be" just came on - I **HEART** this song

6. If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: Renee

7. My hair is:  growing on me

8. When I was 5:  my brother fed me some "special" chocolate covered raisins - that weren't really raisins

9. Last Christmas:  was enjoyable thanks to the girls!

10. I should be..: cleaning, balancing the checkbook . . .

11. When I look down I see:  the new puppy & our wonderful, original hardwood floors

12. The happiest recent event was: every day is a happy event :o)

13. If I were a character on 'Friend' I would be: Pheobe

14. By this time next year:  I still won't have decided what I want to go back to school for

15. My current gripe is:  that there is a double standard

16. I have a hard time understanding: why some don't have common sense

17. There’s this girl I know that: is really confused as to what she wants out of life

18. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be:  Renee

19. Take my advice: your happiness is only up to you

20. The thing I want to buy: a new fridge

21. If you visited the place I was born: you would see corn fields

22. I plan to visit: I don't really plan to visit anywhere BIG right now, but going to KY in July with the girls & going to do a day trip to Nashville while down there

23. If you spent the night at my house: you would see just how crazy my life is & I would prob wait on you hand and foot

24. I’d stop my wedding if: someone was sick

25. The world could do without: judgement

26. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:  uummm I wouldnt

27. Most recent thing I’ve bought myself:  capris

28. Most recent thing someone else bought me: supper

29. My favorite blonde is: Renee ;o)

30. My favorite brunette is:  a warm amber one (LOL yes I know that they were looking for names of famous)

31. My favorite red head is:  HeatherLynn of course

32. My middle name is:  Jane

33. In the morning I:  run around like a chicken with it's head cut off

34. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are:  uumm none - and there are no "tripping" experiences to say something crazy like Elephants

35. Once, at a bar: in Canada I passed out sitting on the toliet

36. Last night I was:  at some stranger's house for an hour and lived to tell about it

37. There’s this guy I know who:  is worse than me with the innuedos

38. If I was an animal I’d be:  a tiger

39. A better name for me would be: a pain in the ass

40. Tomorrow I am: going to enjoy having a closet, err office, all to myself

41. Tonight I am:  going to have family game night

42. My birthday is:  just another day

i don't know what to title this

first off - welcome to the new followers!! I am soo sorry I haven't responded to your comments yet.  It has been a crazy week in my household - I hope you enjoy your visits & that you stick around.

crazy week is an understatement.  Work is busy for this time of the year - not that I am complaining.  The other day though I had one of the anesthesia docs call me & use his "stearn" voice with me.  I supposedly didn't do my job, well I did but he was uber cranky as was the surgeon.  An older, sick, guy was having some hardware removed from his mouth & when I talked with the surgeon's staff I told her I had labs & ekg from X date and that I would need new history & physical and orders.  Well they also ran new labs (which I didn't know) & the surgeon was PO'd that they weren't on the chart.  He got in the anes doc's face, which is why he called me.  Of couse I got mouthy with the anes doc because I did all I could do - I asked him where I was suppose to pull this crap out of & if he wanted to get me a crystal ball!?

Then my "free" time this week was spent on the phone making sure that everything was lined up for the office move.  This morning I arrived at work 15 min early to find my desk in pieces out side of my new closet office & my computer and phone were disconnected & thrown to the side in the old "office"  I hooked up the phone so I could at least answer incoming calls - good thing too since there were a few more than usual this morning.  We had a company come in & make sure that my existing desk would fit in the closet, along with a 3 drawer file cabinet.  When the guys were setting up the desk I get a "Mary come here & look at this". Yeah everything fit, but there was no way I could open the drawers.  ugh  So back to the drawing board I went - trying to figure out how I was going to get my phone, computer, printer, & 2 faxes in this place without things to set them on.  In the end it all worked out & thanks to a wonderful biomed I was up and fully functional by 1pm!

(my highlight of Wednesday - my new chair, sooo comfy)

Today was an awesome day for compliments.  I did Friday casual since I knew I was moving - really nice pair of jeans & a sweater with my boots.  I think I received more compliments on this outfit than I received my whole life.  Then they were also saying how the loved the hair - which is disaster since last weekend I went for a "trim" and ended up with it all cut off but the front pieces.  I came home & promptly cut 2 inches off the front because it just looked stupid.  Oh and one of the people saying they liked my sweater was another anesthesia doc that is normally not so nice (we have a major love HATE relationship, heavy on the hate)

Then to top off the night, I get a text from someone that I haven't talked to in months. 

"did you need something this morning?"  uummm what are talking about

"you called at 601"  crap. B was going thru my phone while I was in the shower & hit send on a msg I had saved when a whole shitload of crap was going on. 

I called him on it & now I am in the wrong for being upset. UGH

Me at My Worst

One of my favorite bloggers started providing writing prompts last week & I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn't get a chance to participate.  However, I made up my mind there was NO way I was going to miss it this week.  If you do not already read Tattoos and Teething Rings you really have no clue what you are missing.  Nicole is a down to earth mom of two & wife of a guitarist who tours a couple times a year with the band. Now scoot - get on over there and check her out!!

2) Write about your worst personality trait or bad habit. Be honest; none of this "My worst habit is that I'm so kind to everyone...blah blah blah." Time to fess up! (And, since you are aware of this bad habit or trait, is there a reason you haven't changed?)

Oh crap Nicole - do you realize you opened a can of worms with this one?!?

I could choose to write about this:

OR this

OR A NUMBER OF ANY OTHER BAD HABITS

Honestly, my jumping to conclusions has improved greatly over the last year.  Yeah sometimes I find myself jumping from lily pad to lily pad, but I can quickly stop myself - so I guess the first choice isn't the one.

REACTING BEFORE THINKING
yep I admit it, I react before thinking things through more often than not (ie: knee jerk responses).  It has to be one of the worst habits I have.   This response isn't to everything that happens in my life, but in things that I have emotionally attached myself to or if I feel like I am being attacked.  Case in point, I had someone tell me that they hadn't been honest with me like they promised.  I felt violated & hurt and I let it be known - afterwards I regretted the way I worded some things.  But as soon as I heard that, I went on the defense.
I don't mean to have these responses - I HATE that I do.  I wish that there was a magical switch that I could turn that part of my brain off, alas there is not.  However, when I feel my hackles start to raise, I do try some breathing exercises to slow down the adrenaline rush so that I am less likely to "call it as I see it".  It's better, but a long way from being fixed.  I'm sure it will take many years to correct itself seing as how it has had 32 years to develop

East to West

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. Psalm 103:12, NLT

image from Google Images

East and west can never meet. This is a symbolic portrait of God’s forgiveness—when he forgives our sin, he separates it from us and doesn’t even remember it. We need never wallow in the past, for God forgives and forgets. We tend to dredge up the ugly past, but God has wiped our record clean.

If we are to follow God, we must model his forgiveness. When we forgive another, we must also forget the sin. Otherwise, we have not truly forgiven.

FREEDOM

I don't know if hanging around the "fiery redhead" has rubbed off on this mousy-brown haired girl or what, but let me tell you - I haven't felt this feisty & strong in a long time.

Sunday & Monday sucked donkey balls - no if, ands, or buts about it.  Days like that use to drain me, but for some reason Tuesday & Today I have felt better than I have in a long time.

I am pretty sure it has to do with the fact that I was finally able to say what I want & not feel like I was walking on eggshells. 

And for some reason today I have been walking around singing "FREEDOM" in my head.  ALL.DAY.LONG :o)


I do need your all opinions though please!  If you had someone come back in your life, and after getting some answers that they were seeking, they continued to talk - would you not think that things were ok between you.  Not perfect, not great, but ok.  AND when you asked said person if they really wanted you in their life and they didn't say no, or they answered "you don't have to shush" when you say you will be quiet - would you not think things were ok??

I guess my thinking was faulty and those things really don't mean that at all - but know what I DON'T CARE!!!!!!  FREEDOM

Good Grief

I was told that my girls are not safe with me, because I admit that there are some days I think it would be easier if I wasn't around. Because I look at what my issues have done to Goose & it hurts me. I think that is a normal guilt feeling though.

I was told that I lie about everything just so that people think I am ok.  That must mean my whole life is a lie, right?  wow - wouldn't it get exhausting trying to keep up with them all.  Maybe that is why I am so tired, not because I work full time, run a house (not very good, but I try), work 2 part time jobs, & try to have a life outside of all that. no, not at all

I was told that I lied because I applied for daycare assistance when we had low income.  Had I not applied, been approved & re-approved 6 months later, I would have been destitute.  I was told that because I did this, I was preventing people who really could use the help from getting it.  Yet I am the working poor & am paying for that help. 

* * * *

I let it be known that all the attention seeking was getting old.


I let it be known that I didn't think that it was safe for kids to be around someone who feels faint all the time.


I admitted that I AM better off now!! 

What was said didn't hurt me one bit, it was a huge RELIEF.


Sianara to that chapter of my life.  Thanks for all the lessons.

Life is Short

LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. Psalm 39:4, NLT

photo from Google Images

Life is short no matter how long we live. If there is something important we want to do, we must not put it off for a better day.

Ask yourself, “If I had only six months to live, what would I do?” Tell someone that you love him or her? Deal with an undisciplined area in your life? Tell someone about Jesus? Because life is short, don’t neglect what is truly important.

How LOW can you go?

image from google images

As I have been evaluating my life, I realize that a lot of my disappointments have stemmed from my expectations. I want things to go a certain way & when they don't, I am left feeling deflated like a day old helium balloon.


I don't know about you, but I would much rather not feel empty, wanting, pissed off, etc. So how was I to do that?

Lower my expectations!

My expectations for myself & others always seemed to linger in the top third of the Limbo poles. There was sooo much room under the set bar that it would be hard for anyone to touch it. In Limbo, that is a good thing, in expectations, not so much. When I realized what was happening, I immediately lowered the bar for family, friends, & co-workers. Finally they were able to reach the bar & I wasn't left feeling resentment or disappointment!!!

I am still working on lowering the bar for myself - that is a hard one to do though because I am a people pleaser. If something goes wrong I feel as if I am a failure because I didn't try my hardest. If I let someone down, I will do whatever I can to make it right. When I catch myself in this mode, I take a moment to reflect on how high the bar is, and then I lower it a notch or two.

It is like any habit, it will take a long time to keep the bar at the lower level. I will slip up & set it too high for myself (and probably others too). But now that I am aware of this, I will hopefully be able to control my reaction & not feel like that deflated balloon - void of the gas that it needs to keep floating & bobbing merrily along it's path.

who's going to win

I have this internal debate going on right now. 

Do I stay or do I go? 

The joy of blogging has sort of been sucked out of me.

I have several posts floating around up in my head & started, but I just can not seem to finish them.

Then on top of that I feel like this:

Working full time

Mom full time

Part time job

2nd part time job to start again

Crap at home

SIGH

Ursula

Goose is at it again & she is sooo lucky I love her.

Sunday night I went to Rite Aid to pick up my new best friend, L'Oreal. While there I decided to cruise the nail polishes.  I have this unexplainable love for polish, one could call it an obsession I guess.  I mean come one, how many different bottles of Cherry Red can one person own. (don't ask)  Most don't realize this obsession of mine because I normally limit myself to painting my toes.

I found the most wonderful, FUN nail polish super cheap.  I was like a moth drawn towards light.  I bought a color thinking HOW STINKIN awesome it would look on my toes - yeah well not so much.  BUT fear not, I will not let the color go to waste.  What color is it you ask, well let me show you:

*SINFUL COLORS - LET'S TALK*

yep Purple!!! I *love* purple, especially this hue of it.

I am soo loving my fingers right now, even with the crappy manicure I gave myself.   There is something about the shock of an unsual color that brings a smile to my face.  It reminds me of the time in college that I went around wearing GOLD nail polish (yep on my fingers, back then I didn't contain myself) & my boss was like Mary that is some wild polish you got going on.

Well, Lil Miss Goose started in last night with this.  "MOM YOU LOOK LIKE URSULA WITH YOUR NAILS THAT WAY!!"  *and let me tell you it is like a broken record in my house right now*

Now my question is, is the resemblance REALLY the nails or is it the eight tentacles, scary hair, big boobs & robust figure?!?

What do you all think, should I change my name??? ;o)

About to admit defeat

I am really starting to dread Mondays & that is odd for me.  I normally look at each day as a gift & I truly don't mind the start of the work week.  But I am at the end of my rope here.

Last week we had the scare with Ducky.  Now this week, I didn't wake up until 625.  Some say what's the matter with that, if it was just me, not a darn thing!  However as it is, I have to get myself ready (which includes a shower, I CAN NOT not shower in the AM) along with the girls.  Ok, still not a huge deal you think.  Let me add this into the equation, I need to walk out the door by 700.  So let's break it down: 3 girls + 35 minutes = a little hairy, BUT absolutley doable!

I won't bore you with the break down, but I did it & I even received a compliment from an outside contractor that I looked pretty darn good today.

If something like this happens next Monday, I am quitting Monday's all together!

Hello, Is there anybody in there?

Why Hello out there!!  Have you missed me??

I've missed you ;o)

I haven't been posting much here for numerous reasons.

The main one being I basically was being stalked by someone that was once part of my life.  What's sad, it wasn't even a BIG part of MY life, however she felt the need to stop by EVERY day to see what was written & to make sure that it wasn't about her or the daycare.  But it has been several weeks without hide nor hair of her visiting, so I think it may be safe to say it's finally stopped.

I hate that I let one person ruin what I had going on.  I was posting odds & ends that I enjoyed & I hoped that you my readers did also - but I started to censor what was posted because I didn't want what was said to be twisted & turned so it was about them.

How have I been??  HAHAHAHAHA lets not go there or I may be posting the doom & gloom of my original posts.

Now here is the real question - HOW HAVE ALL OF YOU BEEN??

Joy

No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety. Psalm 16:9, NLT

David’s heart was glad—he had found the secret to joy. True joy is far deeper than happiness; we can feel joy in spite of our deepest troubles. Happiness is temporary because it is based on external circumstances, but joy is lasting because it is based on God’s presence within us.


As we contemplate his daily presence, we will find contentment. As we understand the future he has for us, we will experience joy. Don’t base your life on circumstances, but on God.

What A Week - already

On Sunday I was wishing for it to be Monday

never again will I do that!

Ducky woke up SCREAMING

not like my baby at all

Ducky couldn't stand, walk, or run

definitely not my baby

Much internal debate

and a phone call to Call-A-Nurse

ER bound we were

just to be made to feel stupid

Triage Nurse felt I was an over reacting mother

and when she found out I was employee

said there was NO way she would have came

because of the following breakdown

ER visit = $200

Ambulatory Care visit = $35

HOWEVER

My child = PRICELESS

Four x-rays

One Blood Draw

3.5 hour ER visit

NO CLUE WHAT IS WRONG

pic stolen from a google search

 

She's still limping around

still falls to the ground occasionally

but no more screaming!

 

My google diagnosis: In children from two to ten years old, the most common cause of hip pain is transient synovitis (TS). This involves swelling or inflammation of the synovium of the hip. The synovium is a tough covering of the joint. Often, the child will have had a cold or viral infection just before the hip pain started. Transient synovitis usually lasts ten days. It generally gets better on its own.

In Honor of

all those "trashy" girls AND my girls ;o)

My very first tattoo - circa 1999

to me the butterfly signified the growth & changes of my late teens/early 20's

I actually felt beautiful for the first time

A spur of the moment inking.  2000/2001

I LOVE yellow/peachy colored roses, BUT hate that they die so fast.

My solution, a perment rose - the blue is an artist addition & I couldn't be happier with it.

Fast Forward to TODAY!

Great company of HeatherLynn & my bff Heather

Sparks of excitement

I don't know if I am so excited for the thrill of the ink or for the promise of Chinese food afterwards! (hey I didn't receive this zaftig shape by not eating!)

We embark on the short journey down Lincoln Highway to Van Wert.

Our destination - T-N-T Tattoos

stencil on - no turning back

Terry & his hot pink gun

(and let me tell you - what a gun it is)

4 hours old - she's a beauty

Today, in honor of my girls & my 2 unborn children I had the Celtic Motherhood Knot inked on my back.

 The 2 rosey pink dots are in honor of the girls

The 2 seafoam green are in honor of my unborns

The stories that could be told - from the ones the artists shared to the ones we created ;o)

Lets just say that I got a little too up close & personal with Terry

I can not be any happier with how it turned out & can honestly say that I feel as though my inking days are over.  I feel complete.

The Right Path

Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. Psalm 25:4, NLT

David expressed his desire for guidance. How do we receive God’s guidance? The first step is to want to be guided and to realize that God’s primary guidance system is in his Word, the Bible. By reading it and constantly learning from it, we will gain the wisdom to perceive God’s direction for our lives. We may be tempted to demand answers from God, but David asked for direction.

When we are willing to seek God, learn from his Word, and obey his commands, then will we receive his specific guidance.

Degree in . . .

Bet you would never have guessed that I attended

but I did & I am it's number 1 fan!

I encompassed everything that this University had to offer & passed with flying colors.

I have shirked my duty as a blogger - I haven't posted.  I haven't commented. And honestly, I'm not sad about it.  However, I am a little disappointed that it seems I have lost some of my support.  Yes, it is partially my fault because I haven't been doing what I should as a blogger, but I guess I was hoping that some of the ones that I have offered support to other than through the blog would have reached out and at least said hey. 

I know that most readers are just stopping by for some entertainment & not life long friendship.  The delusional thoughts and/or wishful thinking on my end felt as there were some real connection between a few of us.  Maybe there still is & I just haven't tried hard enough or maybe we have grown & changed. 

Hope everyone is doing well.

MJ

Goose Update

YAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAY <-- can you tell I'm a little excited

Well the part of me having to go to counseling with Goose is done, unless there is something MAJOR that crops up AND they are thinking that within the next month Goose will be released!!!! *HAPPY DANCE*

It is wonderful to know that we have sucessfully worked through the crap & are making progress.  I know that my work is not completely done & that I have to keep working with Goose to continue to prevent backtracking.  However, it is so wonderful to know that Goose also worked really hard to get to this point.  She will now have the skills to help her in the future as she encounters other disappointments, and believe me, we all know that there will be some - heck probably quite a few!

XO
MJ