Thursday, June 25, 2009

catch up

I lost it totally Sunday. I was agitated all day, however taking my nerve pill seemed to help. I wanted to leave a letter at the ex-friends house as my finality as I know what happened and I'm done. I didn't even want to talk to her. Well she pulled in and started going off on me. To make a long story short, she called the cops, which I find humorous because I was already leaving. When the cops called me to tell me she didn't want any contact from me, I said gladly I had no plans to.

Well the supposed angel (the assistant director from the day care) from the other day decided to take matters into her own hands and called one of the daycare board members (who also is a personal friend of hers, wrong in so many levels*) and they decided to tell me THROUGH text that I could not bring the girls to daycare because of harassment. At 800 at night, waking me up. I snapped. It was PURE BS because I was keeping the issue out of the daycare, yet they chose to include the daycare. Yes, I had some of my breakdown at the center prior to this, but I was doing my darnedest to keep it from there now.

I tried contacting some people for support because I knew I was about to totally lose it. No one answered and without even thinking I took a handful of Tylenol PM. I wanted to go to sleep and all this crap be over. One of my co-workers called me back and talked me through until the ambulance showed up. I barely remember the ride there and the ER. I know I had to drink the charcoal and I was pleading with the RN that I was trying but it was so nasty. Finally at 300 am I woke up and was coherent. I knew I was going to be EMCd, but I was so scared. I had sat all night in the ER by myself and now I had to be admitted to the Psych ward where I would have to face people I see everyday. But I made it through that day even seeing a nurse I use to work closely with and a bio-med guy. My doc left me go after 24 hrs even tho I could of been held for 72 hrs. He knew I knew I what I needed to do and had all the things set up, but had a melt down with what all transpired Sunday.

My official diagnosis, Major Depression with Adjustment Disorder. The adjustment disorder is due to losing someone so important to me and then having the 1 stable thing in my life (the daycare) ripped out from me too.

Girls have been released from the center, which is fine because I had been thinking the last 6 mo to pulling them because that place just isn't the same since a staff member was let go. (And I know several other current parents who feel the same!) I just wish some of the former parents we know would have shared their stories as to why they pulled their kids before now so that I would of known it wasn't just me!

*according to this staff member, it was not her friends/employer in which she contacted. Is it the truth, we will never know.

1 comment:

Erin M. said...

MJ,

I am so, so sorry this all happened.

I have been in similar situations (not too recently) where I snapped. I didn't take pills, but I self-mutilated. I haven't done it in a while, but whenever I see the scars on my wrist I remember. And people know. And it's hard.

I am so so sorry. It sucks. and people don't get it. Does this have anything to do w/ the drama w/ your in-laws?? with you not being welcome?