Monday, June 29, 2009

a letter never to be sent

I had to clear my head and wrote a letter to do so ... this is a dummy version. I actually had a very professional letter ready to be sent to the board and 1 to send to Letters to the Editor. I decided that I would be the adult and not send it since this does not need to be for EVERYONE to see, just my select few who can access this blog.

Recently there was an urgent board meeting to discuss a personal matter that had started to effect the day care. During this meeting, it was determined that my children should be released from the care of the center and that I would not be allowed to enter the facility. I can understand the concern you have for the children and your staff, however I am disappointed in the ultimate decision. I have entrusted my child(ren) to your care for 4 years and until recently there have been no issues.

Over the last month, I have really been struggling. Things with a very important friend in my life (who is an employee) started to fall to pieces and it seemed like everything else was going against me. When I would pick up my youngest daughter, this staff member and the assistant director would not talk to me and I felt very uncomfortable. It was determined that we could move her down to Tiny Tots early to help eliminate the discomfort with all parties involved. This helped at the center, however the issue at hand with the staff member needed to be addressed outside of the center. I refused to let a personal matter effect the center any more than I had.

At some point, staff members had told at least one parent and another staff member not to talk to me because of what was going on. I would like to know how it can be dictated who can talk to who. The parent and I were acquaintances outside of the center due to our jobs and our friendship with the staff member. My message to this parent was one of apology due to my behaviors during my mental breakdown. I did not go into any more details than that. I also shared with my oldest daughter’s teacher that myself and my child was having a rough time because this person was no longer in our lives and it may explain some of the behaviors she was displaying. I did indulge this staff with a little bit of personal information on me and the fact I had contemplated suicide because of my depression. I did that because I trusted this employee and she helped me by giving me a scripture to remember in my time of need.

I will take responsibility for the fact I did curse while in the center. I never once called any one names. However I did say it was fucking bullshit that all this was going on and that it was because of the assistant’s directors behaviors that I didn’t want to pick up or bring my children to the center. It was not the right thing to do and I apologized to everyone, including a parent that may have heard me. Other than that, the issue at hand was being dealt with outside of the center.

On the day that I went to the house to deliver a letter I had no desire to speak with the staff member. As I was walking back to my vehicle she pulled in and called the police department. I continued to leave because I did not want to cause a scene. It will be recorded that I told the officer that contacted me that I understood she did not want anymore contact from me and I stated that was fine I didn’t plan to. However, it was because of this incident that the assistant director contacted a board member. I was told through a text message at 8:00 PM that I would be unable to bring my children to the day care the next day due to this incident. I was understandably upset do to the way the message was delivered and the time. I was asleep and had no where to take my children while I worked the next morning. It is because of this message that I finally snapped and overdosed on Tylenol PM. Yes, my mental issue is the underlying cause as to why I did this, however the last stable thing in my life was ripped from me in an inappropriate manner.

I do not want my children to be reinstated, as I was just waiting until the summer was over to pull them out. I did not want to put my oldest daughter through two big changes in such a short time, however it probably is for the best that it happened. I remind myself daily that if someone can judge me for a months time span and not for the overall person I am, it is not worth my concern and my children are better off not under that type of care.

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