Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The difference is ?

I had a few weeks of being really emotional – like crying because someone looked at me – mainly because I had lost one of my best friends. This person knew me better than people who had been around me most of my adult life. I took losing her really hard, but I was trying to work thru those emotions. Now I am being told that how I was feeling is different than a girl who cried herself to sleep for 7 to 9 months because she didn’t have her best friend! What?!? This person says she knew who she was without this friend, but was missing her – umm hello exactly what I was feeling. But according to them, I didn't know who I was without her - no I knew who I was – mom, wife (although a crappy one), dedicated worker, etc.
I was missing the times we had together, the laughing, the talking, the walks, and I could go on. I was dealing with my best friend telling me she didn’t want to have anything to do with me – at all – and unless you have went thru the exact same thing; you don’t know how it feels. You may have an inkling of what it is like, but unless you were in my shoes you don’t know. This person was my support, my rock – and I did rely on her more than I probably should have, but she made it a little hard not to. She kept telling me how she wanted to take care of me and do what ever she could for me. At first I resisted then slowly I started to let her help.

So can anyone tell me how me being upset over losing this friend is any different than the person who cried herself to sleep because she missed her friend? My emotions were a little extreme at times, I will readily admit that, but I don't deal well with rejection - and this was an ultimate rejection.
EDITED TO ADD: I was going to add some more details about how this person acted, but you know what, it's not important. I will not use what I know to hurt and I need to focus on me.
I know what I did wrong, I know how I felt and why I acted the way I did. But ultimately it boils down to I missed my friend - you can say that other things are involved but in reality they are not - I was able to move past what everyone is so caught up on - well the version they have heard from the friend. I know what was said and what I meant - and how I explained it to this person when she asked me to. If things were different is the key.

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