Sunday, August 2, 2009


As I was cleaning and folding the never ending laundry I was thinking (I know big shock there).

I have surrounded myself with maybe friends. By that I mean they are there - maybe if it works for them. I have people that say they would be there for me no matter what, but when I needed them most they disappeared. It is no wonder that I feel like some days I am battling an army by myself. One person repeatedly cancels plans - it is to the point that I just say ok and if it happens great, if not I don't lose sleep anymore (yeah I use to because that's how I roll). At least twice since my breakdown this has happened. It hurt real bad because at that point I needed to keep myself busy, to keep my mind occupied with something else. I didn't expect answers or to talk about what happened. I just wanted to be goofy - I wanted to be me - the way I use to be. I wanted to forget that I had lost my mind. I never got that chance. I'm sorry that your other friend was sick, but could we not have done something ourselves? I know you needed to study, but really - was it necessary to cancel when you had this planned for awhile? It wasn't like I was going to stay over night as originally planned. This past weekend proved that I am great at picking out maybe friends - like the one I climbed out on the limb for. Then there was that one person who I am no longer going to mention.


Maybe one day I will be blessed with what I need - but I know I need to put my faith in Him before that can happen.

No comments: