Saturday, August 1, 2009

Out on a limb

I knew I was stepping out on a limb the past week, that one wrong move and I would fall. I kept telling myself that I was not going to let the outcome effect me, for I knew what the answer would be deep down. I would be in the wrong again and trying to hurt or tear them apart. I was prepping myself for the news that the person was done talking - I was even ready to step out of their lives, but I was told that they weren't sure that is what they wanted. I guess that is when I got my hopes up that we could be adults about the matter and at least semi friends despite having the issues of the past in the way. I knew that T would still be in her life, that is ok - I wasn't asking to share that part or for her to give it up. And I was done talking about that part with her too - it brought too many emotions back to the surface. Well I started to wobble on that limb Friday night when I didn't get an answer back on how she was doing. When I tried again today with the same result I knew and my footing slipped. I am falling into a hole again- the damn tears will not stop.

Why do I do this to myself?? Why do I torture myself?? Why do I even let myself hope for something??

I am hoping that since I know what is going on, that this is just a short fall, that I can climb out quickly. So if you see me and I don't acknowledge you, remind me that I am strong. Remind me that I can do this, I survived one of the worst heartaches ever losing T and I can survive this too.

1 comment:

MJ said...

I am blessed with some wonderful friends. M put it in perspective for me when she said that I am a very trusting person. That is not totally bad - I just need to find the right people to trust and life will be great. And she reminded me this is just a test and I will get thru it.

what timing -guess what was on the radio -The Climb
The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb