Out on a limb

I knew I was stepping out on a limb the past week, that one wrong move and I would fall. I kept telling myself that I was not going to let the outcome effect me, for I knew what the answer would be deep down. I would be in the wrong again and trying to hurt or tear them apart. I was prepping myself for the news that the person was done talking - I was even ready to step out of their lives, but I was told that they weren't sure that is what they wanted. I guess that is when I got my hopes up that we could be adults about the matter and at least semi friends despite having the issues of the past in the way. I knew that T would still be in her life, that is ok - I wasn't asking to share that part or for her to give it up. And I was done talking about that part with her too - it brought too many emotions back to the surface. Well I started to wobble on that limb Friday night when I didn't get an answer back on how she was doing. When I tried again today with the same result I knew and my footing slipped. I am falling into a hole again- the damn tears will not stop.

Why do I do this to myself?? Why do I torture myself?? Why do I even let myself hope for something??

I am hoping that since I know what is going on, that this is just a short fall, that I can climb out quickly. So if you see me and I don't acknowledge you, remind me that I am strong. Remind me that I can do this, I survived one of the worst heartaches ever losing T and I can survive this too.