Thursday, August 27, 2009

I do care

Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy -- the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation. ~ Eric Hoffer

I have set myself up to be disappointed way too many times. It probably goes back to the whole trust thing. Because of this, I catch myself keeping my guard up, not letting people in. I am also being reserved in who I share what with, but unfortunately it is effecting people it shouldn't. I have shut out my best friend from high school because I didn’t want to deal with being hurt anymore. Same with my husband. The door has been slammed shut and the chain placed so that it can only be opened ****** this wide. IT’S NOT FAIR! I try, but it is easier to not get my hopes up, because I can not handle history repeating itself.

Does this mean I don’t care? Heck NO! I care tremendously. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. But for my peace, I have to be VERY careful. If you have hurt me in the past, I have forgiven you - however, it is hard for my brain to process that I need to let go of the hurt. I let my past dictate my future, even though I know I shouldn’t. I am working on that - promise.

I’m sorry if I have shut you out, but know I still do care.

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